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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

left holding the baby

12 replies

louiss · 12/04/2010 21:30

After many years in a relationship with my partner he has just walked out on me and his new born baby. I've recently discovered he has cheated and lied to me throughout our time together on a massive scale. He is now taking time out to decide whether to be with us or another. He has left before and I have always taken him back. This time I know I should end things for good and yet I find myself waiting for him to make his choice and hope he will choose me. I hate myself for it and wish I had the strength to let him go and put an end to the misery he hasput me through over the years. What I really want is a settled relationship, so why do i stay with a man who is incapable of providing this.

OP posts:
Niftyblue · 12/04/2010 21:32

You have to be strong for your child
YOU DESERVE so much more than this and so does your baby

Don`t wait for him to decide
you decide

(((hugs)))

EricNorthmansmistress · 12/04/2010 21:32

Easier said than done but you need to take back control over your own life and end it with him. Can you ever have the kind of future you want with him, or would getting back with him just be prolonging the inevitable?

AnyFucker · 12/04/2010 21:34

what the previous two said

AnyFucker · 12/04/2010 21:35

come on, love...where is your pride ?

you can do this

tell him you have made a decision...and you don't want more of the same treatment so you are calling time

Doha · 12/04/2010 21:37

He doesn't love you enough to stay when you have just had his child.
I am sorry but if he hasn't chosen you now he never will.

Be the strong one here and end it once and for all.

regain your pride and do the chosing for him.

Choose to end it once and for all.

mrsboogie · 12/04/2010 21:39

"What I really want is a settled relationship, so why do i stay with a man who is incapable of providing this"

I am sorry, it is such awful timing. Please bear in mind these things;

  1. He will not change, you have never given him a reason to and it probably wouldn't make any difference if you did.
  1. If things are ended now between you the baby will grow up not missing anything, but if you struggle on with him for years your child will be upset and hurt by the split when he eventually leaves you for good.
  1. He doesn't love you or your child enough. He only loves himself. You are now going to have to devote yourself to the baby and he will not like this and it will give him the perfect excuse to keep on cheating.

Do yourself and your baby a favour - start a new life without him breaking your hearts all the time. Tell him you have had enough.

Niftyblue · 12/04/2010 21:40

I am sorry to say but the chances are he will do this time after time in the future
Except NOW you have a baby who will grow up and witness it

I know it seems scary but you can do this

Original poster
louiss · 12/04/2010 22:00

Thanks for the advice. For the first time I feel I am beginnig to see him for what he really is (a deeply unpleasant individual). This has to be a step in the right direction.

OP posts:
megmums · 12/04/2010 22:04

I agree with mrsboogie. This man sounds pretty unpleasant. I say put your foot down, you tell him that you will not be treated like that. You and your baby deserve better. Good luck.

LittleMissHissyFit · 12/04/2010 22:27

louiss, the creature you describe is NOT what any of us would ever call a man. We'd call him other 'terms of endearment'!

seriously, you need to tell him to shove it, all of it, and not to have the cheek of addressing you again unless on all fours, begging your forgiveness. Which he will actually never, ever deserve.

Get angry, you deserve so much better.

Sazisi · 12/04/2010 23:07

Ex left me holding the baby when DD1 was tiny. Similar scenario, cheating, lies etc.
It wasn't always easy but life without him was better than living with all his bullshit, I promise you.

You'll be fine. His loss.

diddle · 12/04/2010 23:45

well said mrs boogie.

A child grows up being influenced by its parents, i don't think you would like your child to grow up thinking that the way your partner treats you is the way a grown up should behave.

Now is the best time to make a the decision. I have 3 boys, 2 of which are 3 and 2 and are very aware of how mommy and daddy behave. You don't want your little one still seeing this at 3 yrs olds.

You can do it, you certainly don't need the pressure of him on top of a new baby's arrival, both of those situation are hard enough on their own. Change the locks and pack his bags and don't let him talk you out of your decision.

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