how to move on after emotional abuse and mental torture.... please help

[missylea]

I havent been on here for a while as i had posted ages ago about my emotionally abusive boyfriend and you all gave good advice and told me to get rid...well i did for a while and i failed and took him back! So here we go again... Things have just got worse and worse I have ds with him and 2 other dc from previous marriage. Bottom line we have been on and off for most of our relationship and 2 weeks ago he told me he had met someone else and was seeing her... i was absolutely devastasted even though i wasnt with him. I have been heavily medicated cause of depression which has left me feeling numb so i told him weeks ago i had no feelings and was so fed up with the emotional abuse in our relationship that i just couldnt take anymore...anyways when he told me this i cried and cried and thought i had feelings for him and the thought of him with another woman killed me... we decided to talk this week and decided that we would meet each other once a week for a date and try to get to know each other again... When he told me about dating this girl i told him that my ex had text me wishing me happy birthday and that he invited me to his house for a drink and i went but i swear nothing happened and i had no feeling towards my ex whatsoever i guess i was just feeling lonely... when he found this out he went mad and called me all the names under the sun...he got in his car and then came back 10 mins later seeing look just draw a line under everything and we can look forward to the future, which i agreed to. We went on our date on wed and had a great night and was starting to see the nice side to him again only for him to start on arguement on sat cause i was 15 mins late picking up our ds! So the abusive texts started he told me that he had been to my exs house and enjoyed beating the f**k outta him and hoped to get the opportunity again!!! and of course a load of abuse about me and what i was doing to him! I told him i found him disgusting and couldnt be with someone like that (even though i took it from him for 2 years) he was sitting on my doorstep next morning and wanted to talk, He sat in my living room and cried and told me how insecure he felt in the relationship and thats why he did what he did and that he loved me so much and i replied that he always says this and nothing changes but when i told him it was over because he beat someone, he told me he was going out that day to get a girl and sleep with her to get over me and that he had met gorgeous girls with beautiful bodies and went on to say what he was gonna do to them.. i felt sick!!! i told him to leave and he laughed at me and said i cant wait until men use you for one thing and as he was leaving he shouted but wait until they see you scars!!! I have had 3 sections with my babies and this was what he was referrring to!! Again broke down and left devastasted... i have since plucked up the courage and changed my mobile number so no more abusive texts come through from him and i need and want the strength to stay away from him as he is ugly inside and so so manipulitive! sorry this is so long but i could go on and on forever with everything that he has put me through but this must end for me now! Please help!

Missylea I haven't read your previous thread, but your ex sounds like a nutcase. Well done for changing your mobile phone number. I don't have much experience of what you have been through but stay strong and think of your dc. How is he with your dc? Just remember life is too short and precious to have this idiot in your life.

god what a vile awful man,

take things one day at a time, one hour at a time if you ahve to.

what sort of RL network of people do you have.

let him meet other women - he's a bully, and YOU ARE BETER THAN THAT!!!! you can do better - they are not scars - you brought 3 beautiful children into the world.

He is an absolute idiot.

believe you all deserve better.

I have no family around me but i have 2 good friends who r helping me through this. He never excepted my 2 other children and it was like walking on egg shells around him if the kids had of made a noise he would of glared at them or sent them out. He hasnt lived in my home since our ds with 7 weeks old cause i couldnt stick the stress of him coming home from work and my children being here so we would have major arguements over them. I actually split with him for nearly a year and was doing ok and now he has chipped and chipped away at my confidence again and I feel low.. He knows what to say to push my buttons.. he got his sister to ring my house phone to say would it be ok for her to pick our ds up as he didnt wanna come near my house and that he was out of order! He wants everything he bought our ds in a blak bag! I just dont want anything carried back and forward from his sister.. i dont wanna know anything about him or what he is doing and i need to state that to her, but tbh she is very volatile as well but she said it wasnt anything to do with her and she wouldnt get involved

please help as i need to stay strong for my children and move on.

I understand the sister not wanting to get involved, and if she is volitile then it might be best that she's not.

he's being unreasonable to a degree to request everything back he brought- well in fact it's just plain petty.

but listen - repeat this every day I DESERVE BETTER, MY KIDS DESERVE BETTER.

the older two deserve to live in a happy environment, not one where they're scared to death. you CAN do this - you're stronger than he is - just believe you are, he's worked at your confidence so much I do think any contact thou should be neutral territory & also with a 3rd party (in the short term)

also pity any woman who ends up with him - honestly, look and see him for what he is - a sad pathetic man who's jsut a little boy in need of growing up.

Thank you southbelle i will say that every day and you are right.

i agree with previous posts-he is toxic and no good for you or your children. but a question-are you worried that you'll slip back into some kind of relationship with him?? it's bloody hard when someone has whacked your confidence out of you to just walk off into the sunset with your head held high. you've been strong so far to change your mob number, but you've go to keep it up. he sounds utterly selfish and self absorbed, so you've got to remember that even if you love him/have loved him, he's unlikely to change, and previous poster is right-life is so damn short and precious, don't waste it on him. do you think you and your friends will be able to get you through this horrible period? -because it absolutely will get better. good luck honey.

Oh dear Misslea, he sounds absolutely awful and you are justified in wanting him out of your life forever.

Is it easy to stay away from him at all or must you be in touch with him because of your ds together? That I'm afraid I can't help you with but I'm sure plenty of helpful mners who have been in this situation will advise.

Perhaps you could start keeping a record of his contact because this is now harassment.

If you are ever tempted to slip back into a relationship with him, just reread your OP. There are all the reasons why he isn't worthy of your time and why you and your dcs deserve better.

Not your fault. He is absolutely pathetic to say and do what he has done. You are well rid of him. Agree, keep reading your OP here to remind you! Promise yourself you will not contact him or return any contact for a month. If you do that then it'll get easier to keep it up anyway.

Ignore the scars remark too. I have awful scars and my DH doesn't care. Decent men don't.

how can we help you to keep that vile man out of your life? We're always going to be here for you, whenever you need us, lean as hard as you need to! well done on following through and getting him out of your home! He will never get any better, even if he appears to, he'll only be pretending, so don't fall for it.

Hi thanks for all your responses. His sister is gonna collect and leave ds back which means i have no contact with him whatsoever.. thank god! I know he is ugly inside and this is just the tip of the iceberg! Last Easter he spat in my face in front of his sister and her dd and called me a c*nt and i tried to keep away from him then and i did for nearly a year and then he talked and manipulated my round again. Gradually the abuse has gotten worse and the things he has said to me has gotten worse can i try not to rise to it so it makes him worse. Hopefully if i dont see him at all it will make it easier!

Hi Missylea, I'm concerned about the "what happens next" with him. Is he really going to leave you alone? Women's Aid are very experienced at dealing with these sort of people and they have a helpline, the number of which is on their website.

"Women's Aid here"

Best of luck

thank you littlemiss... is so want him outta my life as it has been torture and to be honest i dont know what to do with myself cause the whole relationship has just been drama after drama, its really good to know that i have your support to lean on whenever i feel weak!
sripycat i rang womens aid on sunday whenever this all happened and they advised they have someone who can come out to he house for extra support. The main thing though is he is staying away now and if he doesnt i will get non mol as this is my home and he has no reason to be here. (learnt this from my first marriage to be independent with my home etc) at least something wise came out of that divorce lol. Its just all the taunts and the nasty horrible things he has said to me that are just going round and round in my head... funny thing is no one has ever mentioned my scar, it doesnt bother me in the slightest and he has never mentioned it before so i dont know why he just said that outta the blue cause i dont have a complex about it as its way below my bikini line... he is just a dick! Now im getting angry.. hope it lasts

Agree he's just being a dick about your scar. He picked up on something that he thought would hurt you. Lots of us women have the c-section scar - war wounds really!

Sounds like you are revisiting all the nasty things he has said / done to you. Isn't acknowledgement the first step to recovery? I wouldn't worry about this, your brain is going through so it to reject them. The anger is part of this. You have a RIGHT to be bl@@dy angry at him. Let your emotions out! Write it down, beat up a pillow etc.

stay with it missylea, stay strong, you can do it, for yourself and for your DC.

Don't let him get to you, just think water off a ducks back.... and stay focussed.

Get angry, stay angry...

Hello girls really really struggling here and feel so sad and depressed.. ex has been emailing now how he is gonna get help and get he "issues" sorted out. I have tried to stay strong and i havent given in... i even went out with my girlies on saturday night but just could not get him outta my head.. when does this pain and torture end, i constantly feel sick to my stomach even though i know he is no good for me... i cant stop looking at his facebook profile and he has added loads of girls so he isnt that bloody hurt! He says he isnt flirty when texting them... Im the one turning down a date on saturday night cause i feel like shit and cant get him outta my head and i havent done anything wrong. Dont know if this is gonna make things worse but just sent him a facebook message saying that i was gonna build up a network of friends and start texting people like he is and maybe that will stop some of the hurting but i think i will just be hurting myself as i am not the kind of girl who would just go out and shag someone to get someone outta my head i have to much respect for myself to do that... my head is a mess... please help! I am living on my nerves and diazepam to get through each day as it feels like a nightmare. I am so so sad