I think DH has AS. I have thought it for a little while and researching symptoms of AS has made me more convinced. FIL is almost certainly ASD (HF) but as they are from a very different culture where ASD isn't really understood/talked about there is no way in hell DH would get assessed. He wouldn't accept it if I suggested he or FIL had ASD.
So that leaves me working out how to manage it. I love DH but there are things that I find very hard to live with. One of them is how hopeless he is with money. I have come to trust him less and less and now take responsibility for all bills and am the main wage earner. I am going full time again in May which I can only deal with as DH will have DS 4 days, otherwise I would be quite resentful. Right now I just feel relieved that my salary will make us comfortable again.
FIL is beyond hopeless with money, in his country there is no CB, TCs or anything like that, he has a gambling addiction and spends every penny he can lay his hands on without thinking about where poor MIL will find the money to pay the bills. I have seen DH try similar with me except that I hold the purse strings so he can't bankrupt us.
I have, however, taken out a loan (a while ago, before I understood the issue) which DH assured me we could pay back based on pie in the sky. I am not angry about this although I could be. I am just trying to get my head round the fact that DH isn't like me, I assumed he would think like a 'normal' person when it comes to repaying money etc, but he doesn't. he doesn't plan ahead and he spends/borrows with no thought of how he will pay back.
He has no avenue for borrowing anymore since I said no more but he often expects me to come up with cash for this or that and doesn't seem to listen when I say that I don't have it.
He works off and on, he's not lazy in the least, he works incredibly hard, but he doesn't make a lot of money. That's not a problem - except that his ideas are quite grandiose and he would try to live beyond his means and gets frustrated when I have to rein him in.
Oh.............I'm not trying to moan about him, he has many great qualities, but some of these are offset by the frustration of living with an undiagnosed aspie who is too damn proud to consider he might be aspie
I'm not even asking for advice really, unless anyone recognises them in what I've written and can share their stories/advice/coping mechanisms!
I have worked out that in 15 months we will be debt free if we stick to my plan. DH agrees in principle but I know he will come up with this or that great money making scheme which will somehow need an outlay of cash....he will not get it, don't worry about that, but I am frustrated. On the other hand he sometimes has an insight, we own a small commercial property in his country which i would love to sell but he doesn't want us to sell and fritter the money away. he is right and it would be too easy, especially now that we are broke.
There are other effects of his aspie personality that I find hard to live with but this is the main one right now.