Dont know what to think

[londoneye]

Its my Partners Birthday and I know that he feels genuinely down as he tells me its not worth celebrating due to the loss of his mum a few years ago. He announced yesterday that he was going to get away from it all and off to the coast just to chill. I did suggest I come with him for company but said we would just fall out. I've not heard from him despite wishing him a Happy Birthday text earlier. This is making me rather paranoid to be honest. As awful as it sounds My immediate gut feeling is that he is seeing someone else as he wont resond to my calls and texts. I want to give him the space but at the same time I feel terrible about it. Am I being unreasonable here ?

How long have you been together?

He sounds like rather hard work to be honest.

Presuming he's a fully-grown man and not a teenager he should have been able to say 'Hey, londoneye, you know my birthday's coming up but I think I'm going to take myself away for the weekend and have a bit of me-time / see my close family, as I'm still struggling with my mum's passing. I'll give you a call when I'm back'.

If she died several years ago now he should have a way of dealing with this, and at least a way of communicating to you clearly that he needs to go off-radar from time to time.

The fact is he's holed up, not responding to messages, with 2 mobile phones, and won't tell you where he is. This either suggests he's being a bit of a Drama Queen, or that he's up to no good.

Just because you're not married or living together yet doesn't mean you're not entitled to a bit of basic respect!

yes chipping, I have lost my Dad. But I don't feel the need to go off and refuse to contact my loved ones on my birthday, or his (my dad's) birthday.

I appreciate some people grieve deeply and for longer, but I still think it's a little selfish to be uncontactable. Unless, as I suggested, londoneye's DP is seriously depressed - in which case he needs some treatment.

I hope you're ok londoneye. This may be about more than just his Mum - and there's loads of good advice here from the others.

I can sort of see where he is coming from. DH's dad died very suddenly at a young(ish) age. DH has always found it hard because he was so close to his Dad, but the last few years have become more and more difficult for him as he approaches the age his dad was when he died. DH is convinced he will die in similar circumstances at a similar age. It is heartbreaking to see how sad he gets. But, once his birthday has passed, he bucks up and things go back to normal. Could something similar be going on with your partner? Also,it sounds as though you didn't know his mum and that he is choosing to be with family who did and who can share memories with him. I think, that I would just let him know how sad you were that he chose to remain out of contact with you and if the relationship does continue, I would probably try to get to the bottom of it before next year and come up with a way of dealing with it.