Not sure if I can go on like this.

[slowlygoingbonkers]

Hello, before I go on, I apologise for lack of paragraphs as posting from my mobile. I really don't know what to do for the best. My dp and I went to school together but never really spoke whilst there due to the size of it. (Large inner city school) we started messaging each other through facebook and got on great, to the extent where we started having feelings for each other. We went on a date and by this point we thought we loved each other. Relationship progressed very quickly with him moving in and me getting pregnant within the space of 5 months. My problem is that I don't fancy him and never have, I hate having sex with him and make excuses up not too and we both have different parenting styles. I really don't know wether to stay with him because of the baby on the way, or to leave and be happy. I also have issues with the fact that to him I am expected to hate the kids dad and not talk about him as he commited suicide when I was pregnant with number 2. I was single for almost 5 years before I got with dp so don't know if this is normal or he is being unreasonable. My head is so confused, i've not been happy for a while now and think I know what I need to do to be happy again, I just don't want to take a father figure away from my children. Sorry for the rant, think I just needed to get things of my chest.

Well having been with someone I didn't fancy (well I did at first lol) I'd say if you can get up the will to split up then you really really should and do it as soon as possible and make a clean start. Never mind about the baby. You will split up eventually anyway but you will save yourself time and trouble. That's just the truth.

I also note that although single mums have a hard time in many ways it's better than having a man around who is for whatever reason not on the same wavelength about the kids. Yes you will be exhausted but you will have 100% control and be able to organise things the way you want. A lot of energy you can't spare can be wasted dealing with a man - arguing, redoing things that haven't been done right, whatever. I don't know how deep this different parenting styles thing goes but you brought it up so I assume it's pretty obvious already.

It is kind of normal for them not to want to hear about past boyfriends - sometimes this does seem ridiculous as they are not wanting you to talk about big chunks of the past that made you who you are, stuff that matters to you and affects you. That can be incredibly frustrating and alienating, and often makes me realise that many people HAVEN'T had similarly long and meaningful relationships, so they have no experiences of their own to measure it against, or bring into the conversations, and just feel jealous. They seem to think when you split up that should be that, like taking the rubbish out, and because they don't know what it's like to live with someone for X years they don't relate to the need to say "I remember when so-and-so ...." or "sometimes I miss so-and-so even though ..." or whatever.

Thank you for your reply. I have been a single parent before and coped with pregnany on my own when my girls dad passed away so I know I can do it again. As I think of it more and more I know that it will be better all round for me and my girls for us to split up. It's not good for my girls that I am unhappy all the time and even though I put on a happy face in front of them I know they must be able to sense it. Got a holiday booked next week so going to cope til then and then discuss him moving out. Just remembered, he went back to his parents about a fortnight ago as I wanted time to think and I should have realised then when I didn't miss him one bit.