I am on the brink of leaving dh but are these reasons enough?

[abouttoleave]

very ancient namechanger. 3 primary school kids with dp. Tog 13 years. Always rocky. Much more so since my short affair 3 years ago (not surprising)
He has always been frosty, grumpy. Me very positive and cheerful.
just worn down by the constant rubbing against such negativity.
No contact with OM but I am still in love with him.
Sex with dp crap and can never change.

Now thinking life is short, I must get out.
Advise. Thanks

Why do you need excuse's? your unhappy,so leave.

You know it yourself. There's nothing in that post that show you want to stay, or even think you should stay.

you have obviously given it a lot of thought, if you are not happy and seriously don't think anything can be fixed... yes

thanks one and all so far. Please , more views. I am at a crossroads.Our children adore their dad. It is a very happy domestic set up from the outside

Life is short, and getting shorter. When you are on your death bed will you say I wish I'd gone or I wish I'd stayed longer?

Get out and agree with him upfront that the kids will always come first. Try to live fairly close by so they can see him easily.

The kids will get over it and you can keep the impact on them to a minimum.

I think you should go to Relate

'He has always been frosty, grumpy. Me very positive and cheerful. '
This is how you see it -how does he see it?

'Always rocky. Much more so since my short affair 3 years ago (not surprising)'
Are you blaming your husband for your affair?

Obviously I don't know you but there are 2 sides to every story.

But abouttoleave there aren't many viewpoints to give. Your OP and indeed even your name are pretty unambigious. Mrsboogie has the best advice on splitting, because tbh that is what you seem to want. Do you want to work to save it as Coldtits suggests?

You say he's always been frosty, grumpy & negative. You say your relationship has always been rocky, for 13 years. There is such a thing as incompatibility, you know. Perhaps he'd be less grumpy out of the relationship, too, time will tell.

Mrs B's advice is good. Agree to disagree with each other; agree to cushion the children; set yourselves free. Sad ... but nowhere near as sad as being 'rocky' and 'frosty' until your dying days!
I wish you both the best

Could the children stay with their Dad as primary carer and you leave? Or you have a "shared parenting" arrangement whereby you have the DCs three days one week, four the next? The latter works very well for one family I know.

I imagine your DP must be very unhappy too and has also had feelings of betrayal to cope with. It sounds like you feel contempt for him, so it's always best to take action when it has got this bad. Try Relate so that you can part well?

If you are unhappy in a relationship and can't see a way of being happier without one of you having a complete personality or body transplant, then yes, it's time to leave. But try to do so as kindly as possible (when the reason for leaving is not that your partner is abusive, just that you do not love him/her) without blame.

really appreciate all this.
Cornsilk, forgive the ambiguity, I meant not surprising he is even frostier follwing the affair, not not surprising I HAD THE AFFAIR.
I am crying and I know what i have to do.

All the advice is brilliant.
Grace and solid I am honoured to have your input. I always value your advice to others , you are always spot on.
SOLID , yes a complete personality transplant would indeed be required for it to work

... amazing how when you get away from someone you get to see how much they really wind you up. You will soon find out that they are still a grumpy git and it still annoys you and ... you will leave early or tell them to go home now. Next time you meet you might be pleased to see them again. The joy of not having to live with it though!!!!!

Assuming that you are sincere and that things are unbearable and you just need a bit of reassurance that it's OK to jump ship ...

Hi abouttoleave
I could have written your post but I am not sure I have tried everything I could yet.
My affair ended and I started counselling before DH knew. After I told DH about it we started Relate and he is going to counselling now too. Telling him was difficult, it has made him hurt and angry and things are worse between us than when he was in ignorance and I was just quietly miserable. Like you I am the upbeat positive one and he is the one prone to gloom and depression. I am so tired of having to lift him and never have a sad day or a grumpy day.
Can you really say you have tried everything possible to put things right? I think if I reach that point and things are still wrong I will be able to leave without as much guilt.
To go sooner would be easier for me as I find the process of dissecting our relationship very painful.

I am very afraid of all the hurt I will cause if I end the marriage, and I salute your courage.

Maybe you could work something out where you live very close to each other. Or maybe even try separate lives in the same house until you are able to unravel. The latter is a real challenge and need lots of rules so may not be the best thing/optimal.