Do you or your DH have a best friend?

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that you tell everything to.
E.g the best friend gets to know all the details if you have a row, or gets to know how horny you are, or if you are struggling

I don't. My DH does. I feel incredibly uncomfortable with telling anyone any personal details re our relationship.

My DH's best friend is coming to stay, just for a couple of days, and I feel really uncomfortable.

my dp does have a best friend but doesn't tell him personal stuff about our relationship.

i do have a best friend who i tell most things to apart from stuff that is personal to dp. if we are having a bad time i tell my bf but if there are things that are highly personal that i dont think anyone else should know i keep them to myself. we talk about our sex lives in detail too

Both Dp and I do. We don't share as many details as you mention but we do confide in them about stuff we wouldn't tell any of our other friends

Fortunately/unfortunately our best friends are a couple. This is great when we socialise and we all get on well.

The downside is when we confide in each other things tend to go around in circles. For example I will tell my best friend something that is annoying me about dp she the mentions it to her partner and then he mentions it to dp. It occasionally causes problems but we now make a point of saying 'this is just between me and you' if it?s something we don't want shared between the four of us.

Yes, and although partner is my best friend in almost every sense, we do have other best friends. I'd find it weird if someone didn't have best friends outside of the relationship. If it all goes tits up, who do you talk to or get support from?

I don't share info about our marriage. (nothing much to report really - it ticks over nicely most of the time)

I do have a best friend. He is male and 20 years younger than me. We share a few interests and go away together. Sometimes with my DSs. He tells me his stuff though.

I have a lot of girlfriends and they often moan about there stuff but I like to keep most stuff private tbh.

Yes but my DH is resigned to the fact that women usually do have this kind of relationship and find it therapeutic to talk things out, no matter how personal. He also understands that if I didn't have this outlet our relationship would be very different because nothing is bottled up, I ask my friends AIMBU rather than jumping into a fight with him, I get perspective and also practical advice that means he's not bothered with a lot of the crap that swims around my head on a daily basis. I have a RL best friend and also a Mumsnet postnatal group I am v close to.

Try to remember that your DH's best friend clearly loves him and if he knows that much about you it means he knows why your DH loves you. Theoretically, that means he loves you too to some extent, so any negative vibes may be in your head.

Thank you
I don't have anyone in RL really. Well I do, but I don't want to tell anyone cos I don't want them to hold a grudge with DH
If they tell the bad stuff, won't the friend just dislike you?
There's nothing really bad here, just had a bit of a rough patch with DH recently and i know this friend knows about it.
I think I am more upset about this than I realised, as sitting here crying realising how little support I have

A real friend won't think badly of your partner, whatever you reveal in upset or anger. That's why we have friends outside of the relationship - to comfort and put a bit of perspective into it, or just to listen while you process it out

Are you perhaps more upset that he is able to trust people outside the relationship?

BTW I theorise that, unless his friend is an out and out tosser or manipulative psycho, a DH with a friendship that close is probably quite a nice chap.

DH and I have close friends of our own but we don't discuss each other with them, as you mention in your OP eg if we have an argument we don't talk about it with other people, why would we?
If I'm feeling horny, my DH knows - my friends don't want to know that!
We have friends close enough that we can discuss any concerns we have in life like parents' health, job anxieties etc but it doesn't extend to relationship details.

Is your DH quite young? It seems quite a young thing to discuss your marriage with other people like that. I'd never discuss our private relationship with anyone else - isn't that what you do in sixth form?

I tried to tell a "friend" something about my dh in confidence as I was upset. She is no w no longer my friend as "it's not all about me" [hmmm] Apprently she then told the whole town what I had told her. I always had my suspicions when she invariably sat us next to people who gave me trouble at a certain play place so they could hear whatever I had to say.

I did tell her this thing as a litmus test to see if she was a back stabber and sho nuff I was right!

Sorry start this is your thread lol. just had to get it off my chest as I spent a year investing time effort and energy into a relationship to have it thrown back into my face.

I would ask you dh exactly how much he says about you to his bf and tell him you feel uncomfortable. He sounds nice enough so I'm sure he will make you feel better about things.

He's not young! 41. But I know what you mean.The friend is nice, he is married, lovely kids and they have their problems as well.Glad- I'm not jealous that he has friends to talk to, just a bit sad that I don't maybe. I know it's quite usual for women to have girlfriends they confide in, but not so much men. I guess I am concerned that he is hearing dh's side of things and I don't have any recourse. And I don't want him to think badly of me. I just know if I moaned about dh to my friends they couldn't help but think badly of him. And again I emphasise that i am just talking about rows where you just need to vent, nothing major. guess I am just being sensitive. Dh and I do talk about it, I ask what he has told him. Things have really not been good, lots of financial pressure, 2 miscarriages, tests, and a fair few rows. Most of the time we are best friends and hopefully we are getting through.
And about being horny, just meant like in passing, saying " gotta go, wife is getting frisky" jokey things like that!
Mixedrp- what a cow! That's horrible

I do, Mr M doesn't. He doesn't mind, but probably because I am very content and he knows 90% of it will be good

Well it sounds to me like you are both on the same page so I really doubt he's said anything too bad.

And as for the frisky bit well thats kind of sweet - cos of course all men are sex gods who have women falling at their feet (if only in their imagination!).

My dh has a best friend and tbh i dont know what he tells him, hes a nice man and comes to our house a lot and ive never really thought about what he knows and im probably better off not knowing what he knows, tho in fairness there isnt really anything juicy to tell! I dont tell my best friend everything about us as shes a bit of a drama queen and makes a tiny fallout sound like something major when really its not so she thinks we have real problems when in actual fact its just a tiff about nothing. She does know we are ttc and I know some major personal things about her relationship and ive often wondered what her dp must think about what shes telling me tho ive never said anything bad about him and tried to influence her in anyway over anything even if i did have my own strong opinions i kept them to myself. At the weekend a friend was telling me about a row he had with his dp when out shopping, at the time i was thinking i hope she doesnt hear as she may feel embarrassed, later on he told her he told me and i could see her scowling at him and thought he would be in for a telling off later tho i totally understand, i wouldnt want my dh telling the world about a row we had.

Best friends, or just good friends, are healthy and good. And yes, I know DH sometimes feels a little strange knowing that there might be someone who knows stuff about us, but he also knows that I need the outlet. And I feel the same. Similarly, I don't regurgitate every single detail to my friends (they'd die of boredom, so it's really just another sign of how much I love them). But having a sounding board is very very helpful.

The only problem is if you only talk to those friends about the "bad" stuff. Then your friend might be in a position thinking, "why is she/he with this person?" so I try very hard not to do that. I have one long distance friend who I am very close to but because of the distance she tends just to get the "DH is driving me crazy" text messages and I wonder sometimes if that means she thinks that he's a complete twat and that I'm miserable. I must address that!

That is a very good point tho, it can come across in that way. Theres a lot of stuff i could say about dh that would make people wonder why we got married but theres a whole lot of other stuff a million times better which makes up the whole story. When we were students and dh used to see my best friend all the time he didnt like me telling her details but now he doesnt have to see her that often hes not bothered tho again as ive said there wouldnt really be much to say other than he didnt put the rubbish out when i asked him to again! Tho bearing in mind she makes mountains out of molehills I make it my point to tell her all the good stuff, hate people thinking we have problems when we really dont!