We decided to live seperately - but then he said this:

[Enchilada81]

So DH and I have just not been getting on at all and after months of being unhappy, we had a huge row on easter sunday and I decided I'd had enough.

Anyway, very maturely, we talked through it the next day and we both decided we'd rather live on our own but stay "together" iyswim?

But then DH started saying stuff like this:

"Thing is, when you qualify (nurse training) you're going to be so much better off than me and It's not fair"

"I'm going to really begrudge sitting here on a minimum wage whilst you and the kids are living off £20k a year"

"Thing is, if ever you ask to borrow the car, I'm going to think "well why should I?" because you won't be putting any money towards it"

"Don't forget, half the gas bill from this house when you leave is yours and I'll need you to pay your half"

etc etc and it just reminded me of how much of a selfish arsehole he really is. He doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. He will begrudge every penny I make when I qualify and he'll always hold it against me that I earn more. (and will always try and get every penny out of me). He even suggested that it's only fair if I buy him a car when I qualify as I'll be "loaded" (chance would be a fine thing).

He's saying "why should I support you through this nurses thing when I won't see any of the finantial benefits of it?"

Very soon afterwards, he decided he wanted me to stay and even added in the same sentance "we'll be better off with your wage coming in here". So its all about the money realy, isn't it?"

Very stupidly I told him during a drunken rampage that I had money saved in the bank - ever since he's been on about it. "I think you should you that money to buy a laptop, a dog kennel, book a holiday etc etc ... " He HATES the fact that I have money and he doesn't.

I've since decided I want a straight divorce. Tell me I'm making the right decision, please ...

Can't you put your savings into someone elses account or something? That's why I'll never marry, I'm not giving a penny to anyone I can't stand

well, he does sound like a selfish git, and if you want to divorce him anyway then thats up to you. But are you sure he isn't just trying to make you stay because he actually realised he loves you and is just really cack handed at showing it?

yes, but they are going to be living seperately and she will, presumably, from what he said, have residency so there's nothing stopping him from getting on and making a few career development moves of his own.

and her 20k will be spent almost exclusively on housing and feeding their kids, I would imagine. She won't be swanning about in flash cars or going on exotic hols.

if he had been a SAHD and a half decent bloke it might be different, but I strongly suspect this is not the case.

You're making the right decision. Get out now.

£20k a year is not a fortune when you have to pay for a home and childcare for DCs plural. You certainly wo't be liable for half his gas bill.

If he isn't happy with his minimum wage why doesn't he get off his bottom and retrain. Or would that be too much like hard work?

As for the savings thing, keeping a bit of emergency money tucked away, if you can manage it, is just plain common sense. Laptops, kennels (!) and holidays are not essential purchases. Buying a new cooker when the old one goes bang is. Do not feel guilty, you are just acting responsibly and if he was in the least bit responsible he would realise it.

I don't think it matters as to whether he a half decent bloke or not when it comes to the savings, he'll be entitled to half if you divorce which is only fair.

Divorce may well be right for you I've no idea really but I can't see how he's being unreasonable about money at all really.

There have been so many threads on here recently where women have been reassured that family money should be shared equally in a marriage and I can't see how this is any different.

I'd get the savings spent on a car then because he sure as hell isn't going to lend her the family car from what he said.

in the east, people stay in joint family systems, not because they want to, or there is something inherently wonderful about it, but rather, because it is the only way they can afford to live in a deecent house.
thats what the nuclear family has now become. an economic situation.
sighxx

I think the OP has not started the training yet so he hasn't supported her through it.

I agree that some of the responses would be different if it were a man posting.

FWIW I have a savings account of my own. DH spends money on fishing and cigs. Mine goes in an isa. Not a secret though.

Of course you're making the right decision. You will be able to choose when you go to bed, not worry about your Ebay account and not worry about his foul moods.

I am pretty sure the 'savings' which you have saved, that he would have pissed up against the wall, will be used up with you moving - anything left over you should use to buy a car if you can.

Is the Gas bill in his name or yours? I guess techinically half of it is your responsibility (as you have been living there) but, hey, he owes you a lot more doesn't he (ebay account etc), so I'd let him get on with paying that.

You are making the right decision - you'll look back on this and wonder why the hell you didn't do it sooner!!

yes yes yes yes

oh and this isn't bloody california, he's not going to get half of everything, especially as you have the kids to support.

No, its bloody England, which is worse. Here you only get between 0-20% of his salary after taxes to maintain the children. Over there you would get more.

Based on your previous threads about this twat, yes, you are doing the right thing.

If you have the DCs then I highly doubt you will have to give him half of your savings. You will be able to evidence that you need them to provide for the children.

So what if she only gets 20% of his income? Sounds like that's 20% of not very much anyway, and she's able to work and support her DCs herself. Better of getting rid.

definately doing right thing

all my hubby keeps harping on about over the last three week mess' is the fact he cannot afford to live anywhere else and as i earn twice what he does i will be okay so he doesnt know what to do.

when i mention that perhaps he should think about emotions here and not money he says that is only cos i will be okay.

is he only staying cos he would struggle on his own? I am starting to think that way.

get rid and welcome to the NHS (my field of work for last 20 years) not a nurse though

Ditch him. What a pathetic twat. (And I'm a fella).