DP constantly putting me down

[TheGoldenEgg]

DP is constantly putting me down and he makes out that I'm just paranoid and take things the wrong way but I'm sure he means it the way it sounds.
One example is the fact that I train in karate and although DP tries to pretend hes very supportive of it, hes constantly trying to say I'm shit at it also.
I have a grading coming up for my blue belt and DP keeps saying "I wouldn't waste your money on that, I very much doubt you'll pass it" "Do you REALLY think you can pass that?" "What if you fail? which to be honest, I think it quite likely"

And then he's pressuring me to leave my current club and join another one and he said "problem with that I suppose, is that the new instructor will probably turn around and say you're not good enough to be a green belt so you could end up getting put right back".

He doesn't train himself so has NO IDEA.

Why would he constantly put me down?

My mum bought his son an easter egg (which she didn't have to, she's barely met him!) and DP turned around and said "smarties?? how babyish!"

I've just started a college course and he says "the biggest problem is getting you through that maths exam because to be honest, it's going to be a massive struggle for you, and that's just the basic stuff".

And then he starts on about my cooking etc, nothing is ever right or done "properly"

He lacks on confidence obviously and is trying to make me feel like shit to compensate. Is he likely to "grow out of it" when he see's it has no effect?"

You're right, it sounds like he's insecure and probably jealous of your achievements. He's putting you down to make himself feel superior. I've had this done to me before and I'm afraid to say that he didn't "grow out of it" and the relationship didn't end well. He's being extremely childish and if it continues he's likely to push you away altogether.

I can only suggest that you confront him about it each time he makes these comments and don't let it slide. I hope he gets the message as you're clearly fab!

No. It'll just get worse. I'd be cutting my losses now before he continues to break you down until you don't dare question why he is putting you down ever again - you just accept it as normal. Which it is far from.

You again?

Agree with yankbabymum above, it's his insecrity and it does't bode well for the future. Don't get sucked into seeing yourself this way. You need to challenge him every time this happens. If he then doesn't give up the put downs, you'd be better off ditching him for someone who is less insecure and can cope with your achievements and preferences.

If you like him otherwise, just say, EVERY time, 'Why are you saying that?' and challenge him.

Here the advice we given you over and over- he's abusive, he's harming you, he's harming your kids and his kids, you need to leave, call Women's Aid.

Now it's time to do your disappearing act

ahem, that should read- "we've"

No, he won't grow out of it. He will get worse. And however strong and tough you are, it will wear away at you. You won't even notice it happening.

It's not possible to have a happy future with a partner who doesn't fundamentally wish you well.

haven't read any other threads, but is he very negative in general with everyone else, or is it just you?

Startagain- OP has turned up many times with different handles. Essentially she is in a relationship with a very abusive man who sounds absolutely vile on every level, and is also very abusive to their kids.

The Karate is what tipped me off. The first post I read of hers had him sabotaging her Karate uniform or somesuch.

Each time we tell her that he is abusive and she should kick him out, phone Women's Aid, etc. Each time she posts until found out, then ditches.

Basically I think she is for real, but unable/unwilling to face the reality of the situation. It's as if she thinks we can tell her a magic way to make abusers not abuse.

OP, please get help. Your poor kids, your poor stepdaughter How long will you live in denial?

Even ignoring the previous threads, this is not just insecurity, this is gaslighting. Classic abusive tactic.

Why would he put you down? Because he doesn't like you, wants you under his thumb, knows that if you had self esteem you'd leave.

Nobody is going to be able to give you a magic answer that allows you to fix this. This guy can't be fixed. He's horrible. He won't change. The only thing you can do is leave him.

Please listen to dizietsma's advice - its the same advice you are given every time you post about your awful DP, and his nasty children. If you keep asking for advice which you then ignore people are going to stop offering it.

You do Karate? FFS KICK HIS ARSE....

Seriously, I know how hard it is to make a break, to have the courage to do what you know you need to do, but I'm not in as bad a place as you OP, please do what you can to get yourself out of this.