Need advice

[Tuesday13]

I have a problem with my Husband.

When i was on maternity with LO i asked my Husband if we were ok for money every month then in September he told me he had put 4k on one credit card.

Then last month i checked the history on laptop and found he has looked at porn when i asked him about it he lied and said no not him. I showed him how i know and he said it was the computer. When i walked out he admitted it was him.I dont mind the porn its the fact that he lied to me.

When we meet he had a house so i moved in with him and now we need to sell it for a bigger house i asked him did his Mum and Dad put money to it he said no. Then last week in front of the estate agent his mum said "If you give me all the money i put into this house back you will be left with nothing" My Husband then said she put a few thousand towards the deposit.

I'm fed up with being lied to. Can a marrage work when you no longer trust your Husband. Every time he has lied he said he would not do it again but he just does. Should i leave now?

Sorry you have this problem Tuesday. My husband lies, but I usually now know when he is not telling the truth. I don't know what the truth is, and its only a gut feeling that he is lying. If the lies really bother you, and if he refuses to ever tell the truth you may end up not communicating as there is no point if you cannot rely on his reply to be truthful. My husband generally says whatever he thinks is most to his advantage. Only if caught by surprise does a bit of the truth come out. You may end up despising him. You certainly will not be able to trust him. It may be that he lies to impress you (see thread on Narcissism) but whatever the reason it does not help you. If he has done it for years, do you think he is likely to ever change? I hope you are young and can move on.

these are big lies and it would be make me v v concerned that it is the tip of the iceberg, that he owes his parents money that you did not know about and he has put £4k on a credit card. taht is a lot of money.. what does he have to show for it?

should you leave? depends how much else he lied about , how much debt there is you don't know about and more importantly if he is willing to get some help to change.

when trust is gone, it is v v hard if not impossible to rebuild
i would want him to show serious commitment to rebuilding things

We have only been together for 5 years,married for 3 in May. I'm 28 years old on Tuesday.

I know all about the money now and have taken over control of all our money. So feel ok about that so far.

I'm more concerned that he keeps lieing to me. His whole family lie as well so he see's nothing wrong in it as he has learned it from his Mum and Dad.

I have talked to him about my feeling but he does not seem to understand how much this hurts me and our relationship.

I dont trust him and he is not doing anything to build that trust again.

How do i move forward? How do i get him to build the trust? I hate to leave because of our son but i just feel there is no hope. I'm just waiting for the next lie. He has tried to be very nice to me since but its only on the surface i dont feel like its real.