Who needs fathers?

[talie101]

Anyone see that awful programme last night? I was totally disgusted how it seemed to infer that if you grew up without a father you'd possibly be a foul mouthed layabout and it would affect your whole life?!!!

Only ever seen my father a handful of times when I was about 7 yrs and I haven't turned out like the above! I totally disagree that an absent father ruins your life - I would say living with toxic parents (be it one or two!) are what can affect your life.

Two parents providing a stable loving supportive home are ideal but one can be equally as good in your upbringing.

Are they saying that all adopted children have 'issues' too? Yes, you may wonder about the absent parent but I think you would have to just be of a certain character to let such a thing affect your life... or maybe use it as an excuse for your behaviour!

I wonder in a few years time when there have been studies on kids growing up with two different sets of families, what the outcome of that will be?!!

Any thoughts?

I do sometimes think it is used as an excuse.

I was born in the 60's and my dad was out of the house 6am-7pm Mon-Fri, he was a hands on parent at weekends and i am a productive member of society, but then he would kick my butt if i wasn't.

That i think is the difference, in my family it was expected you'd work..

they generalise too much....

and if you have a parent who has died there is no hope either?

or is a dead parent a better one than a live but absent one?

surely is about how it is dealt with in all aspects - not whether parent is around or not.

They weren't so worried about all these absent fathers and lone parent families between 1939 and 1945 were they?

Funny how hysterical they are about it now. I haven't watched this programme as I suspect it would piss me off. They can give us all the stats about bad outcomes for children of lone parents - most of which are accounted for by poverty (take income out of the figures and hey presto, suddenly the figures level out and you find there isn't that much difference in outcomes), but there is very little research about what the long term outcomes are, in terms of emotional and psychological costs, of growing up in families where the parents don't love each other and role model crap relationships. I wonder why no-one is interested in researching that?

We used to see my dad for around two months in total (sporadically) every year he was in the army. I turned out okay I believe. IMO it doesn't take two parents to instill morals and values into a child. One is perfectly capable.

Exactly HerB

Absent fathers/single mothers get blamed for all manner of ills in society but the fact is that it is poverty and lack of education which is the issue. My DC are lovely children despite not having a dad around.

Glad to hear you all say this, it was worrying the crap out of me, cos it's not looking too hopeful long term for DH and I. he's so flaming hands off, I doubt he'd bother much with access/visits.

He also will go back to his country and since the forecast for hell freezing over seems unforthcoming, there is not much chance of me going back over there to escort DS (4) to see his dad...

So can I, as a woman, with no brothers, close male cousins etc, do a good job in raising a son to be a man? Will an interested parent albeit female be a better influence than a lazy hands off male? I get the impression that it'd do more harm for DS to grow up seeing his mother belittled and treated badly than for him to see her go it alone and do the best she can for her DS...

Hi everyone,

I don;t think the intention of the programme was to insinuate that all boys who grow up without their Dads around will turn out to be sweary layabouts - Our search for my Partner's Father was part of that documentary episode and I think Matt's turned out awesomely! I think the main thing for Matt was that there was definately a gap in his life as he literally knew nothing about his Dad, he had never seen a picture, and basically all we knew was that he was called John. for whatever reason that occurred I don;t see how anyone can think it's fair that someone should not be given information about who that person was and what happened. I totally understand that some Parents might not be the 'best' at parenting and there are lots of sad and complicated reasons as to why Families breakdown and people lose contact... but I think that it's important for Parents to be honest and at least answer fair questions from their children about where they've come from... rather than brushing them off or getting angry simply because it was hard time for them as a Mother and they'd rather pretend that part of their life never existed.

Trish x

I saw the programme and didn't get the impression that they were saying if you don't have a dad you'll turn out useless. I felt it was trying to show how hard it can be for children with absent fathers - there is never a "one size fit's all" in these situations. Who knows, maybe many children turn out better for being without one parent - no idea.

It was touching and uplifting to see a story with a good outcome, for once a sad story with a happy ending.