Pregnant and unsure of relationship

[Annabel34]

I recently found out that I am five weeks pregnant. I have been married for two years but been with my husband for over 18 years - he's been my only real serious relationship.
Since I got married we have been through some difficult times and have come close to separating but always decided we wanted to try and make things work. The main problems come from the fact that we have very different friends and work completely opposite hours so don't get to spend much time together compared to most couples.

One year ago one of my best friends (and work colleague) told me that he was in love with me and had been for six years. I started an affair thinking to myself that I'd leave my husband if I felt the same way. The affair is still going on and I feel like I am leading two separate lives. The man i am having the affair with is like a soul mate but I've never really made any attempt to leave my husband. Our relationship has never really been in the real world as it's been kept secret.

My husband is delighted that we are expecting (I know the baby is his) but I am so unsure of what to do. I know I should have addressed things long ago. I have always wanted children and am now in my mid-thirties so would not be able to live with the fact that I might not get the chance to have a baby again.

I know this sounds like I am the worst person in the world and believe me I feel like it. I don't want to regret not trying to save my marriage but at the same time I don't want to regret not living a life with a partner I am more suited to. Also I will still be working at the same place which will make things very difficult.

What do you think the baby you will soon have will regret least?

Not having their loving father.

Are you sure the baby is your husbands how can you be sure?

I am sure the baby is my husbands as I haven't had sex with anyone else for a month.

How would OM feel about you being pregnant and it not being his DC

He is devastated at the prospect of seeing me have a baby that's not his.

she started the affair 1 year ago the OM has loved her for 6 but only told her last year.

OP, are you sure of your dates? because 1 week between late intimacy with OM and conception really is cutting it close to be so certain and a few days would paint a very differant picture.

also, you said 'I haven't had sex with anyone else for a month'... have you had sex with other men besides your H or OM, because it's an odd turn of phrase if you meant yu haven't had sex with OM in a month

I think you've ruined both your relationships to be perfectly honest. You don't love your husband so you need to end that relationship but by the sounds of it the OM doesn't sound keen on raising another mans baby so is unwilling to commit to you when you leave your husband.

'last intimacy' sorry, rl distracting me while typing

OM is single and has been since I've known him. To answer Tulip, i am not seeing anyone else. I don"t think i could face an abortion.

Well, it seems you have made an important decision - to keep the baby. So, do you: Carry on the affair;
Stop the affair & tell DH;
Stop the affair & don't tell;
Leave DH & spend some tme alone to make up your mind about the future;
Leave DH & move in with lover?

Do you have good insight into how your lover views the relationship with you? Just some fun or does he want you to leave DH & move in with him (or somewhere in the middle)?

Maybe you should get some counselling on your own so you can explore your options.

I have been with my husband for so long, it's not that I don't love him it's the fact that I probably haven't put the effort in needed to have kept the relationship healthy. I've let myself drift further and further away from him and become emotionally involved as well as physically involved with OM. The spark that we first had is gone but I guess that can happen in most relationships without effort. I feel very claustrophic and can't think straight.

The OH would sees our relationship as long term but I don't know how he would feel about my continuing with the pregnancy.

What a mess

well as abortion is not been considered and you are unsure of how OM would react to continuation of the pregnancy, it would be kinder / better if you finished with him and let him find someone who is

1. Available
2. Single
3. Not haveing someone elses baby

As for your husband you certainly have no respect for him if you had you wouldn't be in this situation.

Move out and decide if you can salvage your marriage without OM being in the picture.

It may mean you end up bringing this baby up as a single parent but as things stand just now you are being very unfair on both of them.

Have you told your lover that you are pregnant by your DH and that you have decided to keep the baby?

wow this is messy.

Does your husband know you are pregnant?

Were you trying to get pregnant?

Do you love your Husband?

Do you love your lover?