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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

ds God mother, my best friend

25 replies

iMum · 05/04/2010 11:28

if she said to you asa you are surrounded by your 3 playing boys, running and doing by stuff "god i hope I dont have 3 boys"

Would you b pissed off?

I just sat there and didnt say a word, it was a tense moment and then i felt the need to fill with "hows your mum and dad"

FGS! i wanted to scream at her!

Have typed out a text..

I should have said at the time but I didnt, My 3 boys are the most wonderful thing in my world, I am blessed to have each and everyone of them and thank my lucky stars daily that Ive got them, I know you didnt mean to upset me but by saying "god I hop I never have 3 boys" you did.

Ive not sent it yet, dont know if i should but I'm just so rattled by it.

we dont see each other much, she pops in on birthdays and xmas/easter so on with gifts for the kids, normally they get left in the porch but today we saw her pull up so opened the door.

wwyd?

OP posts:

Disenchanted5 · 05/04/2010 11:32

I'd get a grip.

It was just a comment, she probably didn't mean it.

If I was sat in my house as a childless stranger at times I would say the same!

Kids are noisy, boys are especially noisy.

She didn't actually say anything offensive.

BuzzingNoise · 05/04/2010 11:32

I wouldn't send it.

Original poster

iMum · 05/04/2010 11:33

Thankyou i needed that!

OP posts:

DandyLioness · 05/04/2010 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

morningpaper · 05/04/2010 11:46

God I'm glad I don't have three boys either

I'm glad I don't have three of anything

Children are bloody noisy and frankly I don't like them a great deal

I think her honesty is great

bobbiewickham · 05/04/2010 11:48

I've got three dogs, three cats, three alpacas and three hens.

Wish I didn't.

But I do wish I had three boys. Or three kids. Don't mind which flavour.

TotalChaos · 05/04/2010 11:49

No, don't text, these things get ironed out far better face to face. I do think it was a crap thing to say, possibly came out worse than she intended . I'ld be looking for a new best friend though, sounds like your life(style) and hers have made you grow apart, judging from your last para.

RunawayWife · 05/04/2010 11:53

Maybe she really would not lie 3 boys, that is up to her

DandyLioness · 05/04/2010 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bobbiewickham · 05/04/2010 11:59

Yeah, wow...they're cute, I suppose, but just something else to look after.

OP - if she says something like that again, just say something like "ouch", or laugh and say, "don't be horrible, auntie Cruella, they're my babies!" Depends on the sort of relationship you have with her, really.

Always better to react at the time rather than stew and dwell, though.

BelleDameSansMerci · 05/04/2010 12:03

I'm sure she didn't mean anything unkind about your boys... I think you might be being a little over-sensitive. What I think she probably meant was that she couldn't cope with three boys.

bobbiewickham · 05/04/2010 12:04

typical · 05/04/2010 12:05

If you'd been in my house the last couple of days you'd be glad you don't have my 3 boys. Don't send it. A careless remark would only be made worse if you do.

Dumbledoresgirl · 05/04/2010 12:06

iMum, if it makes you feel better, I have got 3 boys (and one girl) and mine are also bloody brilliant and every single day I am so glad I have them, even the oldest who is a teen and doesn't talk to me except to say agressively "I don't know" when asked anything (eg "Would you like beans or broccoli for dinner?" not hard questions about the meaning of life!)

I pity your friend for failing to see the joy and the fulfillment that three boys can bring. Maybe one day she will see the light, eh?

PS Definitely don't send the text. She won't understand.

morningpaper · 05/04/2010 12:14

god I hope I don't have three alpacas

bobbiewickham · 05/04/2010 12:16

It was alright, mp, I had caesareans

SawneyBeane · 05/04/2010 12:20

I hope I don't have three dogs.

At least you can sell the alpaca hair/wool/fur/whatever.

bobbiewickham · 05/04/2010 12:22

Fibre.

It's in a big bag in the garage.

Dh is "dealing with it"

SawneyBeane · 05/04/2010 12:24

I love learning new things, thanks.

New jumpers all-around, then?

bobbiewickham · 05/04/2010 12:26

Not any time soon, I don't think. It's been there about eight months up to now.

jellybeans · 05/04/2010 12:29

I am not sure. I have several friends who make comments which are quite offensive but I am sensitive. I had only girls at first and one friend went on about DH must be desperate for a boy. Right after i lost a baby late in pregnancy i got texts about a mutual aquaintance who was 'looking very big and pregnant'. Things like that. I let it go really but try and spend more time with my more sensitive friends than them. Usually people who make mean comments are jealous or unhappy with their own lives, or just rude/tactless. I would never say something like that to someone.

I have 3 boys now too and they are fab. Girls are every bit as hard work, trust me. (especially teenage!!) I am so glad I have my boys as having had no brothers, before them I didn't really get the 'appeal' of boys. Now i have my own I can totally see it in mine and other boys. I think people just assume what they have is 'the best' and pick up on other 'negatives'. I wouldn't send the text but would be tempted!! Chances are that if she was mean enough to say it she wouldn't feel bad anyway whether she upset you or not. If she cared, she would not have said it!

deaddei · 05/04/2010 14:31

Definitely don't send text.
I am increasingly intolerant of small boisterous children (now my own are past that stage!!) and am sure I have a cats bum face at friends' houses sometimes.
She may one day have triplets

mrsboogie · 05/04/2010 14:42

I wouldn't be offended if someone said this to me if I had 3 boys (which I don't -phew!) it wasn't personal towards your boys. She just probably meant she wouldn't be up to the job.

Original poster

iMum · 05/04/2010 16:56

All ok peoples, I have calmed down and text was not sent! I think i needed to vent really!

TBH this coment is one of many I recieve on a day to day basis, people seem to think that 3 boys must not have been what i wanted and a terrible strain for me, it gets very wearing after a while!

She isnt know for her tact as after my 3rd mc she did tell me I shouldnt bother trying again as the impact on those around me is too much!

This was also after loosing my dd at birth as well as an ectopic and all 3 of my boys being premmie/special care!

Didnt mention this stuff first as I wanted a response based on that stand alone incident-I think when you have 3 the same sex (i think boys more tho) people do seem to see it in a negative light, my eldest tho is 8 so understands whats being said around him so I do get extra annoyed i suppose when things are said in earshot!

I just am so thankful for my boys that I strugle to see how anyone could think it is anything less than fantastic to have them!

OP posts:

SalFresco · 05/04/2010 17:28

I've got 2 boys and would love a third! One of thie things that has slightly put me off having another child is people thinking I was doing it to "get a girl" - even the midwife who came for postnatal visit after DS2 asked if I was going to try for a girl next?!?! Of course, I would be happy with either, but I would hate any of my DC's to think they weren't what I wanted becuase of other people's thoughtless comments.

I think that is what your friend was being - just plain thoughtless. She sounds like quite a tactless person - the suggestions about making a lighthearted joke in response is a good one, it might make her think a bit!

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