Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I just vent - feeling a bit hurt.

18 replies

mumofaboy · 05/04/2010 10:45

DH is normally lovely. Loving, funny etc. Yesterday he was so mardy it was unreal. I had been up for a couple of hours in the night with DS who is teething (molars - poor bugger), so I was quite tired but ok. DS whinged all day which became very wearing for both of us. I then mentioned that I was a bit worried about a late period - basically we are planning to ttc from June (DH specifically wanted to wait as he doesn't want a Christmas baby - fair enough). Anyway, he already knew I was late, I did a test, all neg. But yesterday was two weeks after I was due and I wondered aloud if I should take another test. He then became really stroppy and told me to stop bringing it up. This from the man who always tells me I should talk about my feelings, not bottle stuff up etc.

By the evening DS was properly miserable, would only settle (i.e. stop crying but not actually go to sleep) if one of us went in and laid down with him on our bed. I did this for an hour, and then DH took over as I wanted to get some sleep (I was sleeping in the spare room last night to have a break). DH got more and more stressed and sweary. When I was getting some calpol ready for DS DH came into the kitchen and turned the lights off. I said why did you do that, he replied 'because I'm fucking naked and the curtains are fucking open". I got cross with him for speaking to me like that. I then heard him tell DS to shut up, I went in to give DS his calpol and have a cuddle until DH came back from the bathroom. When he came back in he said 'Sorry but I've just had a fucking shit day'. That'll be the day you just spent lazing around and watching TV and eating chocolate with me and DS then. Gee, thanks .

This morning he barely spoke two words to me. Eventually I snapped and demanded to know what the problem was. Have I done something, because if so I'd love to know what it is. I came on my period today which seems to have cheered him up a bit, but I told him a bit of support wouldn't have gone amiss when I was worried yesterday. Also if he considered a day spent with me and DS as 'fucking shit' then perhaps he should just bugger off our with his mates.

I think he is now trying to make amends - he has gone food shopping and taken DS and he's said he'll get a pizza in tonight. The storms' pretty much over but I just needed to write all that down and get it out.

Thank you for listening (and breathe).

OP posts:
giveitago · 05/04/2010 10:51

Not a great day for you particularly when you lo is not having a great day either.

Sounds like your dh got out of the wrong side of the bed.

You'd be fine telling him (now he's calmed down and OK) that his behaviour made your day much much harder than it should have been and ask him that in future if he's feeling like and can't tell you what the issue is that he should go out and take a walk rather than take it out on you.

Why doesn't he want a christmas baby? Is that so bad?

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 05/04/2010 10:57

Sounds like he really didn't want you to be pregnant!

Sometimes people just have a grumpy day. happens to us all. I think best not to over analyse it if he's normally a love. It was wrong to snap at you and very wrong to tell your son to shut up! But can any of us claim we've not taken our bad mood out on our loved ones?

I would suggest that you sit down with him and make sure that he really really wants to ttc. To be in such a mood just imagining that you might be pregnant? It is worth making sure that he really wants another - even in June. If you really want a baby, the timing doesn't tend to make you react like that. Could he have said that to delay things a bit?

I am most likely totally wrong, but it's worth having a chat with him.

mumofaboy · 05/04/2010 10:58

Thanks for replying.

He just doesn't want a Christmas baby because he and his brother were both born v. close to Christmas so he has first hand experience of their birthdays being eclipsed by everything else. Not that we'd let that happen to our DC but I'm happy to wait so no problem. Didn't think it would be quite so much of a blow if it happened though!!

OP posts:
diddl · 05/04/2010 15:32

My b/day is close to Christmas & I love it.
I´ve never thought it was "eclipsed by everything else".

Perhaps his parents/family handled it badly?

I´ve always loved that most people are feeling happy & celebratory around the time of my birthday.

I shouldn´t have been a Christmas baby but was v. premature-that´s something that you can´t plan for!

AnyFucker · 05/04/2010 20:26

you need to tell your husband that all the thousands of people who suffer from infertility would love a "Christmas baby"

or in fact, a baby born on any day of the year

what a tosser he sounds

FabIsGettingThere · 05/04/2010 20:30

I don't think it is a problem that he doesn't want a Christmas baby. Him snapping at you is a bigger problem and telling a toddler to shut up is awful.

I am assuming you weren't using contraception if you thought you were pregnant?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/04/2010 20:34

I think some of you are being a bit unfair on the Ops DH. Never had a grumpy day yourselves - with PMS or whatever? Never told a child to shut up? What saints!

DandyLioness · 05/04/2010 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 05/04/2010 20:50

DL...we will have to agree to disagree then

perhaps OP should post this on the infertility boards ???

her DH would get called worst things than "tosser" believe me

I expect all the people who wail and moan at the prospect of a "Christmas baby" or an "August baby" or a baby of the wrong fucking sex have never felt the pain of infertility then ?

no ?

thought not

< stomps off >

DandyLioness · 05/04/2010 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 05/04/2010 20:59

childhood issue ?

yep

of a selfish tosser variety...

'nuff said

DandyLioness · 05/04/2010 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 05/04/2010 21:37

you are probably right, DL

mumofaboy · 05/04/2010 22:08

hi everyone, just an update. Have spoken to DH and we've cleared the air. A number of issues caused his mood and he definitely does want to ttc, but just not yet. I think the thought of me being pg already was scaring him!

He's not selfish or a tosser btw - I posted here to vent but those comments are unjustified and unhelpful. Thank you to those who gave useful advice.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/04/2010 23:05

< shrugs >

storm ?

teacup ?

meh

AnyFucker · 05/04/2010 23:05

< shrugs >

storm ?

teacup ?

meh

mumofaboy · 06/04/2010 07:26

AF, perhaps it was a storm in a teacup. Does that mean I'm not entitled to post on here? Clearly you think our issues are beneath your notice. Perhaps in future just don't respond to threads when you have nothing helpful to say.

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 06/04/2010 07:49

He did have a bad day. He spent a day with a whingey toddler. You also had a bad day. You deal with it differently. Let it go. If I reacted every time DH was ratty, and vice versa, we'd have been divorced by now.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread