Is honesty best here?

[rancidamoeba]

I've been in love with someone for nearly a year and a half. We are not involved physically, but are quite close friends and do spend a lot of time together. I find it hard when I don't see him and he has said a couple of times that he loves me. I didn't respond because I was scared and also someone once asked me if I was in love with him, loudly and in front of lots of people and I lied and said "no". Don't want to get flamed here. I'm just worried that if I tell him how I feel, it will ruin what we've got, but I also feel like if I don't, I'll burst.

Ok I'm actually here but feeling paranoid and a bit sad, so not a very encouraging way to start off really. I need some sort of guidance as to what to do really.

Are you sure you are not just projecting like mad because you are desperate for a couple-relationship? TBH if you feel paranoid and sad around someone, that doesn't sound like the Start of Something WOnderful to me.

However, you could say something to him like, how about a shag/going on a date? But do listen to his response and if he says 'I don't think of you that way' or 'I'm not looking for a relationsip' believe him and move on.

No I'm neither projecting nor desperate for a couple relationship. And the thought of saying either of those things to him fills me with horror. Paranoia gone now he's cooked me dinner. Don't want to ruin a good friendship, so have to focus on other stuff. . . .

Are you both available and over your previous relationships?

Well there's that I suppose. I'm still sceptical and traumatised from the dealings with my H and so is he in connection with his ex etc. Actually what we do is quite nice. Just sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed by it all.

It sounds to me as though you should just enjoy spending time with your friend for the moment. As a couple-relationship, this is an absolute non-starter - you are wafting around like the princess in the tower waiting for him to give you the magic kiss, he is bumbling along enjoying your company but not thinking overmuch about Where It's All Going. He;s Not That Into You as a perfect partner otherwise he would have made this clear.

We have a strange relationship. He did make a kind of move once and I froze. Same thing happened the couple of times he said he loved me. I think it's probably something that will either die or develop on it's own.