Bloody ILs! So fed up with having to visit them every bloody holiday.

[OrmRenewed]

MIL lives in a tiny overcrowded flat. We sit and talk and drink tea. God it's dull! Children aren't allowed to make a noise or run around.

We have to spend a precious day there tomorrow. Sitting and talking and being soooooo bored. I have no extra leave and I don't want to spend it there. MIL doesn't drive, neither does eldest SIL so if we have to see them we have to drive. DH can't atm so I am forced to drive the whole family there.

Have just had a lovely day at my parents - Db and his family were there. Spent the day having Easter egg hunt, searching for frogs and frogspawn in the pond, walking the dogs, watching the children playing in the garden. Can't go there tomorrow because we have to sit in an overheated flat being bored, I will be the one making conversation because DH can't be bothered.

Why do I do this? Why don't I just say no?

Eh Marantha? Having a bad day are we?

All done and dusted. I was very good and smiled and chatted and did all the requisite. And FWIW DH and I have been together for about 20 years and I have done the pilgrimage regularly 5 or 6 times a year and never before complained - so I have a overdeveloped duty gland. But I am allowed to not enjoy it very much I think.

OK just read your second post. Mother of God you don't know me at all do you.

"Grown women enjoying Easter egg hunts! For heaven sake!"

I was enjoying hiding the eggs and watching the children find them. What is wrong with that?

orm does this mean that gcs see their gran 6 days per year - if so I don'tthink that's much.

I have the opposite problem - I see mil on average 2 months of the year and she's lobbying for more and I'm sure she's trying to positiion herself that we go for one week at the start of summer (all that dh can get from work) and she'll then fly back and I'll be with the ENTIRE summer in our tiny flat. That's hell on earth and I will have no summer but instead run around her (she won't do anyting on her own and won't leave me alone and I'll have to speak her language which for 6 weeks is exhausting) and ds will be well out of his routine (as she's a controlling cow too) and very bored (as I'll have to drag mil around with us and she's scared of everything in London and we have to abort trips half way through).

I think 2 months per year is too much (ie it takes up all our time so we have no dh, me and ds time) but I cannot see how my ds could ever form a meaningful relationship with her in 6 days a year (if that's what it is - sorry if I'm wrong).

But if you've got no more annual leave left this year? That's awful - if they need you to drive you should call the shots about the timings.

God no, she comes to us and we pop over for flying visits and take her out. But the ceremonial proper visit is only 5 or 6 times a year.

Oh - in THAT case - put your foot down and go 5/6 times a year and sil, mil, dh need to work around your timetable.

I think it's good for gps and dcs to be thrown in together and I'm sure it's fine for dcs to be bored. but there is a limit.

FOllowing our last visit to mil which was 15 days even my mummy boy dh kind finally realised that it was no holiday for ds as he was so bored he became very very difficult and I fully understood why - particularly when ils kept saying how lucky that ds has 3 'holiday's a year there - it ain't no holiday honey. When I say bored - 15 days of being stuck inside a small home with 3 toys (too big for him) crap tv and just food - nothing to do - no places of interest to visit and only one or two other kids around who are not in his age group.

My family like yours - my mum is very fun, in tune with kids and lives life to the full and has quite a lot ie home, the area she lives etc so ds worships the ground she walks on. Mil, is from up a moutain, poor background, no idea about toys or how to play with kids or get to their level - but he loves her which is good. He just doesn't want her hanging around so much as he feels stifled. But I will not have ds having all his holidays in that place as I've been doing it for 16 years and it's really not refreshing, interesting or in any other way a holiday.

Renegotiate the terms of your taxi duties here.

Why can't the nondriving relatives use public transport?
I don't really do duty visits. I visit relatives when I want to and invite them back here when it's mutually suitable.
When I'm older I don't want people visiting me out of duty. As I married late I don't buy into this "marrying a family" stuff and will happily let bloke visit his relatives without me and vv.

So your MIL can't walk far and lives in a small flat. Do you all have to visit or can't you or DH visit and take her out for some fun. Most of us will get old and some of us will be disabled - hope we will get more care. Yesterday I left DS at home and went out with mum & DB's girlfriend's mum - late 70's & mid 80s. Afternoon out & afternoon tea. It's not much to ask is it?

" hope we will get more care"

I spend loads of my time taking MIL out, running her around to this and that. And I don't mind it. I've been such a dutiful DIL over the years. More dutiful than DH truth be told. But these deadly sitting-down sessions are too much IMO. And as I mentioned earlier she can't walk far, neither can SIL, and we only have a 5 seater so can't give lifts atm.

DH does visit without me, and I do visit my parents without him (most of the time actually).

I find it quite upsetting to be accused of not caring. I carry out the DIL job too a T. But there are times it is boring and I resent it. Sorry.

The phrase that resonates with me is "I will be the one making conversation because DH can't be bothered..."

Sympathies.

I only have DSs and hope to God that one day it won't be my DILs who are the only ones that can be arsed to be civil to me.

Me too katisha.

i think that is what winds me up. It is me not DH and not SILs that do most of the running around.

God I would love just to seemy mil for just one day

But no it's always at least two nights

two weeks once nearly drove me ver the edge

I'd rather spend every Xmas dinner and Easter day with her then bleedin nights , lol

Orm, you sound like a lovely daughter in law to me. I bet it's your job to oversee your children's behaviour, too, right?

It does sound deathly. Well done you, won't have to do it again for a bit.

Thanks tortoise .

I've always tried to be.

yep,your a lovely lady Orm,and a lovely mum.

Aw you're doing a fine job.
Yep I am relied on to organise flights etc.

In fact just this morn dh deciding when to go - best june but he's adamant that we go in July as there's a festa there (ie the only thing in the calendar which involves a small music group in the village square and people walking up and down a road all night. Oooh something to look forward to) - I made it clear - fine (as I do all the organising around their timetable) but when we get back I'm going to straight to my mother's as ds loves being by the sea etc that was a hint that mil should not be on the flight back with us!!!!!!!

And my dh in the last four years has spent about 4 days with my mum - I've spent about over 6 months with mil.

I get resentful too! Particularly as if I challenge him of the lack of parity he says 'I don't understand family'. Too right - don't understand HIS family!!!!

Oh families - but I will not be expecting my ds to run around after me when I'm old as I want him to have a big life without having to consider me in every breath (mil is fit and healthy at 61).

And as soon as ds is old enough to be abroad without me ie when he can look after himself, I won't bother going to mil's house anymore other than perhaps one week per year.dh and ds can go alone as dh doesn't bother with my famil at all.