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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner on dating website

39 replies

ShockedWithKnobsOn · 04/04/2010 05:13

I'm sure this is a well worn topic. I have spent the night awake, shaking. I think I have found my partner of 2 years on a dating website.

I'm not sure, as there is no photo up, but I just know. I'm not sure why I checked, intuition perhaps. Outwardly there was no reason to, he is very loving, says all the right things etc.

I have set up a fake profile and have emailed and got a non committal casual reply. This is not going to end well is it?

Really need support through this, reckon within a day or so my world will come crashing, and I'm too embarrassed to talk in RL about this.

OP posts:

FabIsGettingThere · 04/04/2010 18:05

You really have to know for sure before you do anything else and watch out for him turning it on you if it is him and he finds out you trapped him.

piratecat · 04/04/2010 18:15

I don't get it. How did you know which site to go and look at? Have you ever talked about online dating with him b4? if he is away, i assume there is no recent search history on your pc?

Original poster

ShockedWithKnobsOn · 04/04/2010 18:56

Another sleepless night for me. Email from fake woman read and not replied to.

He is either suspicious, and nothing in his texts/correspondence shows anything askew (but then if its him he will be a master manipulator), or its not him.

I think he was only online briefly this evening though, so I may have a reply tomorrow morning together with a I love and miss you so much email to the real me.

I really haven't thought about what I'll do if I don't get a reply.

Fortyplus, his profile says he is looking to make friends and "maybe have some dates".

He did tell me before, when we were talking about our experiences of online dating before meeting each other, that he enjoyed the online interaction much more than the actual dating.

OP posts:

TDiddy · 04/04/2010 22:09

SugarMousePink - it isn't about what I feel about my OH. I am only coming up with alternative suggestion as to how OP might broach the subject. The direct approach might work better for her, I agree. We can only offer suggestions. Whatever she does, IMO she should maintain control and plan her next steps. Maintaining control and dignity is key, IMO.

fortyplus · 04/04/2010 22:26

piratecat if you read the thread you'll see it's the site they met on

Original poster

ShockedWithKnobsOn · 05/04/2010 09:26

I agree that maintaining control and dignity is key, in any case I don't think I could confront him on msn/phone/text as I would have no idea of body language.

He didn't respond to the fake email. But I did get my usual one. I don't know my next step really.

OP posts:

piratecat · 05/04/2010 09:26

oops, sorry, didn't read properly.
op, how are you today?

mmmwine · 05/04/2010 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lollyhop2girls · 05/04/2010 10:37

I really feel for you, I bet your stomach is in complete knots.

My opinion for what it is worth is that you need to take a step back from this current situation and look at your relationship.

On what levels is it good? On what levels is it bad? Once you have worked out all of that you can think about how to deal with this.

I agree with 40plus her *I still think it's possible that he's amusing himself and merely playing the 'dating game' online without any intention of acting upon it. Which, of course, is misguided and stupid, but he won't be seeing any harm in it. The acid test will be how he responds to your fake profile.
*

He shouldnt even be on there for basic amusement (its a bit odd, hasnt he got toher friends to chat with on line if he wants to talk to someone besides you?)

Unless there was anything in your message to make him suspicious that it was you, the fact that he hasn't responded makes me think he was messing about for a bit and when a real live woman made contact with him he realised how daft it was.

Snooping is a dangerous game hey? Im the biggest snoop ever, I should have been in Mi5. It almost never leads to anything good!

Best of luck OP xxxx

Original poster

ShockedWithKnobsOn · 05/04/2010 13:08

I am so touched by the support on here! I am coming round to the conclusion that it is as 40P and lolly said. Because of the non replies, but also because he has no pictures, either public or private. You wouldn't get beyond 2 or 3 emails without showing someone your picture.

Despite what I said earlier, I'm going to confront him about it today and let the chips fall as they may, but I cannot carry on like this.

OP posts:

SugarMousePink · 05/04/2010 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ShockedWithKnobsOn · 05/04/2010 20:32

An update

Well I confronted him on skype. He denied it, he wasn't angry, wasn't indignant, said he was glad I had asked him, why would he need to bla bla.

His body language was open and honest.

TBH I'm unsure, and will keep an active but hidden suspicion.

Thank you all so much, this has been a lifeline over the past 2 days x

OP posts:

lollyhop2girls · 06/04/2010 17:41

Glad you asked him, that shows a lot of strength. Hope all is well here on in xxx

SugarMousePink · 06/04/2010 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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