My DH walked out on me in October. We went to counselling but I couldn't continue after 3 months as I felt like his heart wasn't in it (he has since admitted this) it felt as if I was sliding backwards not forwards in my recovery .. plus I am pregnant (found out the week after he left) and felt I wanted to focus on the baby.
Things between us were limited mostly to DD (2.5years) chats etc but he has had something of a turnaround in the last week..... saying he realises how many mistakes he has made, how he wants to move back in , go to couples' counselling etc (which we can't do whilst I am pregnant). In a way this is all I have wanted to hear for months but I don't know the way forward for this.
I have told him I think it would be a bad idea for him to move back in whilst we worked on things as too much has happened (not the main cause and all over now but there was a girl from work on the scene for a while)and it's too much. I did not want to close the door though as actually I do want my family back together so I suggested us spending some time together -maybe once a week for an hour or so away from DD so we could work on 'us' and just talk about everything. He agreed....
This was a week ago and I guess I am waiting for him to make the next move... Is this fair enough ? I also want him to go and see a counsellor alone to discover what drove him to act the way he did. He has said he can't afford it... Can I make it a pre-requisite of us working on things ? I also lent him 'Not just Friends' whilst we were in couples' counselling and he admitted last week he had not picked it up - but did not say he would - should I demand he reads it or is that just controlling ?
I am open to the idea of us working on things although it scares the life out of me and puts me back in a very vulnerable place but I do need to see some effort from him too and I need to know that he is genuine -. I do know that he too is very scared, does not like himself at all right now and is full of guilt and shame but does this mean I should expect anything different from him in terms of effort ? (or should I cut him some slack?) I have told myself that I can't /won't trust that he means it until I hear him saying the same things over a period of time and see some actions from him... ie HIM arranging the babysitting so we can have that hour together once a week, going to counselling by himself, reading the book, making an effort as all I have had so far is words... Or am I expecting too much given it's been less than a week since his turnaround ?
I never wanted our marriage to break up and have been through the hardest 5 months of my life so I am really scared about 'letting him back in' - or anywhere near me until I can be sure. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it thanks