What do you tell a 5 year old?

[lilacclaire]

'D'p left this morning, I think for good.
Ds absolutely adores him and was crying for him earlier, I totally wimped out and said that P was at work.
I have no idea what to say to ds, he thinks of P as his dad as he has been there since before he was 1.
He's going to be utterly devastated Help, what do I say, how do I help him cope?

I think you need to be honest and say where he is.

where is he? or do you not know? is this an amicable split or are you unlikely to be seeing him again?

I don't know where he is, have good idea though, probably with family.
We were both very nasty this morning.
He'll need to come back, his stuff and his son (dss) live here!
Im going to bed, i'll check back tommorow, am exhausted.

I think all you can do is try and tell him as much of the truth as possible.

Dont lay any blame - and say you are upset too.

do you think it is for good or is it just some breathing space? It sounds like a long term relationship before this.

Good luck

Can't sleep, feel sick to my stomach.
I don't want to cry in front of ds in case it distresses him even more, but I don't feel I can tell him the truth without breaking down.
What a mess

Sorry to hear. Tell yourself that it will hurt and then start, slowly, taking control. It will help you feel better in the medium term.

I know you're not married but I watched a programme a few years ago about couples preparing their families (children) for their break up. The couples worked with a therapist. Sounds wierd but it was very interesting. Anyway their was a mum who just couldn't bear to think what she would answer when the children asked why dad had left. The line she was given, which I think is brilliant, was "Mum and Dad feel they will be better parents when they are not living together". I know it isn't the whole truth (!) but for little ones I think the most important thing is that they feel they are still loved and "parented" even if it is from a distance.

Brilliant line

hope you are ok - is there no way back - you say you feel sick - so there must be a part of you that whats to make it work.

I know it is hard but they are quite good at coping - as long as you let him know that it is not him (ds)that is making you sad and in fact he is making you happy. He is after all keeping you strong at the moment.

Good luck