Ever been in a situation where life is pretty ok but just seems a little lacking?
I'm like that now, and I don't know what the solution is.
Most of my friends seem to think it's a man. I've been on my own for a little over 3 years. I've had 2 long-term relationships in my life ? my marriage (at 21, though we got together when I was 19, which lasted 7 years in total), and the relationship with the father of my children (5 years in total, kids now 3 and a bit). I am 34.
But I like being single. I like being master of my own destiny, the relationship with my children. I have great friends, of both sexes (though the female friendships are probably deeper). I can't say I ever feel lonely or bored.
I work full time in a job I enjoy, and I am 90% of the time content, though I sometimes feel a little unfulfilled. I realise I am 34 and if I am going to make any life-changing differences to my life I probably ought to do it now or this is going to be pretty much it until retirement - it's pretty good as it is, but I always thought it would be 'more' IYSWIM.
So what's the answer?. I don't particularly want a relationship, though i am not against it. I just kinda feel that real life and relationships are not like the hedonistic stuff you see on TV. As a parent I value stability for my children above sexual and romantic impulses for myself (not making a value judgement on that, just stating it as it applies to me) and I know myself well enough to recognise that I am enough of a control freak that I am never going to 'let myself go' enough to experience that feeling of 'falling in love' and 'take a risk'. If risks are involved, the sensible side of me is not going to do it. I know that. I am not discounting a relationship, in fact part of me would very much like it, but it has to be on my terms or not at all, and TBH, I don't think that's likely for a 34-yr-old in a rural area with a social life that is active but doesn't really involve getting out there and meeting new people.
A career change is much more in keeping with my personality type, but as a single parent with pre-school-age children, it's an impossibility. I cannot afford to stop working and retrain. As a single parent, studying around the job isn't an option either, as I'm the only one available to look after the kids (dad is involved but no real practical help).
I look at my friends, most of whom are also single mothers (though not all), and I know that from their point of view the fact that I am neither lonely nor working in a dead-end job means that I should count my blessings and be happy with my lot. And I've seen enough heartbreak in my life to sort of agree with that. I KNOW I have it good by a lot of people's standards and I do not treat that with a cavalier attitude, I really don't ? I am truly grateful. BUt I think/hope/want for more. Is that greedy or unrealistic? I am fortunate enough to come from a family background where I was taught that nothing is impossible if you work for it; and it's a philosophy that's served me well. Trouble is, this time I'm not really sure what 'it' is, and that's the stumbling block.
Am I having a mid-life crisis at 34? Am I just hopelessly naval gazing? Do I just need to count my blessings and put up and shut up? Or am I just voicing what a lot of people feel?
TIA.