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Original poster

Disappointing the parents

16 replies

CaroJo · 02/04/2010 21:27

I have always had real issues with my parents and would like to know, in your opinion, what is the MOST disappointing thing a child can do to their parents???

Where on the scale would you rank dropping out of uni shortly before graduating (not just for being lazy but due to mental health issues)???

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 02/04/2010 21:30

um, i don't think much could disappoint me. all i want is for them to be happy and satisfied in life

if they dropped out of uni because of mental health reasons I wouldn't be disappointed, but I would probably feel upset that they hadn't felt they could talk to me aboiut it and see if we could work through it for long enough that they could have finished (if they'd wanted to)

um, I guess I would be disappointed if they tunred into drug addict layaboutss. but that's about it

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 02/04/2010 21:30

That would be a 1/10 I think, probably less then that. If ds took up smoking this would be higher. I suppose getting a girl pregnant and running off would be at the top.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/04/2010 21:32

I think the most disappointing thing for me would be if my DSs turned out to be abusive wankers. Fortunately, they're not.

(Well, they are wankers, but only in the sense that everyone else is too...)

Dropping out just before graduation for MH reasons wouldn't disappoint me, so much as worry me. Can't you complete when you're feeling stronger?

Original poster

CaroJo · 02/04/2010 21:43

I'm going to speak to some people at my uni after the easter break but staying on might not be an option anymore from their side. Will have to go offline now but would like to hear some more opinions.
Right now this all feels so huge, I feel like my parents will not love me anymore. I don't even know how I would tell them.

OP posts:

pinkycheesy · 02/04/2010 21:49

CaroJo, my parents didnt take it well when I dropped out of uni, and they didnt take much else very well either, over the years. But...they are only parents, they will not be with you all your life and you have to do what's best for YOU. Things change so much between generations and they cannot see your situation with the right amount of objectivity. Find a good counsellor, a helpful GP, some loyal friends, and if your parents dont come through for you at least you wont be alone. They have to understand that you have your whole life to live, uni is just a teeny tiny part of that and it isnt the end of the world to drop out.

hugs and good luck!

BakewellTarts · 02/04/2010 21:49

I think if the DDs turned in Joe Stalin or Adolf Hitler mark 2 I'd be disappointed.

Pretty much everything else would be fine as long as they were happy.

In the situation you describe I'd be very worried and want to support them anyway I can. If you can't talk to your parents is there anyone else who can help you talk to them?

drivingmisscrazy · 02/04/2010 21:55

I think that if they are half-way nice they will be concerned for you and want to help - have you asked them for help? If they are disappointed because of this then what pinkycheesy said. I didn't drop out, but I did come out and that was a disappointment that my mother has never got over

TotalChaos · 02/04/2010 21:57

DH did this, his parents were OK about it, obv. not particularly pleased, but beyond dropping some hints for the next year or three about going back to finish it, twas fine. There's far worse things happen at sea.

seashore · 02/04/2010 21:58

Hi, I would rank dropping out of uni at that time for those reasons as perfectly sensible. Sometimes pressures just needs to be removed. But some parents just don't get it, and frankly that's their own problem. Perents have so much power over their children, I'm 41 yrs and only just starting to come out from what I always considered a distant relationship but they still drain at even that distance.

Look after yourself, your needs first, it sounds like you're going through a tough time. If you do drop out that's your disappointmen first, it's your life. Don't take your mental health for granted, seek out help. When I look back at some tough times in college I really wish I had used the resources that were there, go talk to a counsellor, time will pass, things will settle and become easier.

Good luck and hugs x

Hassled · 02/04/2010 22:01

My DD dropped out of Uni for reasons which included her mental health. I was disappointed for her sake - that her future wasn't going as she'd hoped - but never for my sake. If your parents seem disapppointed when you tell them, don't assume it's the same as them feeling you've let them down.

It will take some readjustment on their part - give them some time - but your happiness and well-being comes first.

Conundrumish · 02/04/2010 22:10

From reading your post, I think the most disappointment that I would feel as your parent is that you had to write the post in the first place. I would feel I had failed you as a parent. You shouldn't be feeling so scared of their reaction . Please, as someone else said, get a good counsellor and gp on your side.

Condensedmilkaddict · 03/04/2010 01:08

I have come to the conclusion that my parents are determined to be disappointed.

The only way my mother would be happy, is if I phoned her every morning and asked her advice on every decision I had to make that day.

Obviously I am not ever going to do that, so... she will be disappointed.

Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally, without guilt or fear. Sorry you don't get to experience that Carojo.

Please know, that the problem is with them.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/04/2010 01:12

I'd be disappointed if my DS turned into a dubious, money-thieving and abusive cult leader or a BNP official. I'd probably still love him but not like him IYSWIM. But dropping out of Uni for health reasons, I'd be more worried about how to help him.

pippop1 · 03/04/2010 01:13

I am a parent with a child at Uni and would of course be upset that they had mental health issues. However I would judge that their health was the most important thing and that once they were well they might be able to complete their studies, if that was what they wanted.

I would also feel very guilty and wonder if anything that I had done had pushed them towards having these problems.

I would also do anything I could to help them get better, such as take them to Drs or whatever would help them. I would give up work if necessary to look after them.

Try and get them to think of it as a having an illness (for which you need time off). PG you will be better soon.

pranma · 03/04/2010 21:41

If they were cruel to people or animals I would be dreadfully disappointed.If they joined the BNP I would be gutted but dropping out of uni wouldnt rate very high I dont think[in fact none of them did any of those things].

Uriel · 03/04/2010 22:08

If my kids did this, they would not disappoint me. Maybe your parents will react better than you think?

Be kind to yourself.

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