Husband says he's not coming back-so upset

[SpiritualKnot]

Dh left me about a week ago, wanted time apart to see how things went. His best friend died in January and he'd been upset since. We hadn't got on too well prior to this, led seperate lives etc, have posted on here about it. Amicable split up.Married 19 years.

He rang tonight to say he won't be coming back. I asked if there was someone else and he said there's someone at work interested in him, so he might start seeing her. I was quite shocked and said he'd only just left, so he said he'd wait until a bit more time had passed. He asked about me and I said there was no way that I would even consider another relationship at this time, He said that's the difference between men and women.This was quite a light hearted chat by the way.

I had been pretty much ok about things until this and haven't sort of stopped crying since our conversation.I realise now that I thought we would both realise how much we loved each other and would get back together and be like a couple again and have a fresh start. But that's not going to happen. We've 2 kids aged 18yrs and 10yrs. What do I do now?

You've not mentioned counselling - have you had any as a couple, or separately?

Personally, that would be top of my list before I walked away from a marriage and dc.

Victoria - you have to do it around each word separately (I had to start a thread to ask to find out how to do it as I'm not too bright )

EB - I'm guessing your post is to the OP but two people have got to make the decision to want counselling and to work at the marriage.

We did have counselling as a couple and I had it as a single woman to come to terms with the end of the marriage.

Thank you If... I feel stupid empowered now

Earlybird, I haven't considered counselling, dh would never do that, but I'd consider it on my own I think.

Nice to hear you're still friendly with your ex Victoria, dh was just here to see our daughter, couldn't seem to get away fast enough when I returned. Early days for us though.

Sk

If he feels like I did... seeing you is painful. Don't assume it's because he cant bear to be with you. I knew our marriage had ended but still had feelings for exH. The only way to protect myself and stop myself from rushing back (which would have been a mistake) was to limit contact.

Once he's confident that it is over (because people know, legal process is started, he's happier about you and sure you can cope) he'll risk seeing you more, but probably still far less than you want.

Which is why you need to make your own life and be less dependant on his contact

Hi Victoria,

Thanks for that. I assumed he was rushing off to meet another woman or something. I'll just keep going, would like to have a gin and tonic tonight, but am afraid I'll end up phoning him if I do. I only drink a few times a year, one G&T is my limit before I fall asleep.

Bought a little sheepskin rug for the bedroom today, beginning to look more and more girly in there, just need a nice painting/picture on the wall and a pink/cerise border to finish it off.

Tonight I will put out the Easter eggs for the kids and hide little eggs around for daughter to find in the morning. Tomorrow morning I will put Hot x buns in the oven first thing, go to church with daughter (she's very religious). Think I'll just chill the rest of the day, cooking and family stuff.

SK

I have Church today. I have family staying but two of my children are with their Dad (their choice) They will return later. Some of my family are finding it hard to accept my divorce and I wonder how they'll cope with news of a new man in my life. My counsellor asked me what I thought they'd want for me...... they'd want a new man but I'm guessing they'll worry about how he'll fit in and what effect it will have on everyone.

It's quite weird having family do's without exH but better if I'm honest because he used to hate them, so I'd scurry around looking after him and 'awkward' family members. Today I'm preparing food and enjoying myself.

I hope you have a lovely Easter Sunday. Symbolic of a new start??