Dh depressed, how do I handle this

[redwhiteandblue]

Dh is a moody sort at the best of times, especially where work is concerned. He's been in a horrible mood for weeks because of an impending deadline and today received very bad news relating to some other work he's doing

He's sent me an email saying "I want to slit my wrists." I don't think he is suicidal but he is in a vile mood.

I'd just like some advice on how to get through the next few days/weeks with him. Sympathising with him doesn't work, he just snarls back. I have to keep it together for the dds who are five and three but I'm dreading it

Please don't say he should seek professional help because he won't, He's fine when work is going well, he's just had a big knock back

depends. does he always say in jocular way "i'll slit my wrists" - do you think he joking or really means it? cry for help? attention seeking? jsut wants a listening ear and chance to moan?

if he is clinically depressed and might "do2 something then only a profressional can help him. but he has to want to get help.

i will tell you what i wish i had done when my then P started saying this stuff:

if he does slit his wrists then get him to A&E and force him to address it. whatever you do, don't cover it up (not easy when they beg you not to tell anyone, but trust me, telling on him is really the best way).

(there are views on self harm eg can be coping mechanism but if he choses to do it so you (or dcs) see it - then he is attention seeking and you need to act...)
if bleeding badly dial 999. if superficial, takes pics adn inform his GP next week...

he is telling you because he wants attention/sympathy etc.

plan some fun times for you and dcs.

give him the option to join in or not. if he chooses to join you, he ahs to make effort to be jolly. then he can have time off eg evening to wallow and moan about life and work etc.... we all need a break to moan/get things off our chest - but you can decide how and in what form so it doesnt take over whole family. eg when kids in bed you sit down with glass of wine and he gets to pour out his problems to you and you listen....

you can support him - but you can decide wwhen and how and in what form that takes.

if you and dcs live according to his depression/anger/angst the next few days/weeks then it wont do him any good and wont do you/dcs any good.

if ehe really cannot snap out of it for dcs sake (separate work and life/family) and your sake for some of the time, then he does seriously need professional help - (counsellor at work?) and you need to make that clear to him. if he does not wish to take help, he has to go elsewhere until he decides to do so.

i have had someone say to me "my wife told me: go get some help or you leave". he knew she would follow thru....he chose to get help. they still together.

Thank you very much cestlavie

I don't think he really will slit his wrists, but he just wants to make me feel bad, His way of dealing with stress is to be generally horrible, though he is usually nicer to the dcs. The problem is when he's taking it out on me, I tend to be ratty with the dcs. I guess I'm only human.

He is self employed so no counsellor at work or whatever, the stress comes in not knowing what form the next job will take etc.

We are going to my parents for easter and I have already told him if he is going to behave like this he should stay at home and let us go alone, rather than coming and ruining the atmosphere (for me, at least). We'll see what he says.

Thanks again

good stick to you guns - and if he comes with but then starts up you send him home on train or whatever...

try broken record technique of just saying to him every time he takes it out on you something like

"it is not fair of you to take out your anger on me."

"I am not repsonsible for these issues. I will not tolerate this behvaviour. you need to think about other ways to express your anger and ways to deal with work challenges"

Thank you am going to memorise that sentence

It's good to know I should be tough, in the past I've tried to help but ultimately only he can drag himself out of this. I think he should do some anger management course but as he is a man he will not countenance such a thing