Saying you've said stuff when you haven't

[Enchilada81]

Is this a form of emotional abuse? DH often decides that I had said something when I know full well I haven't.

For instance, he cooks tea EVERYNIGHT because he wants to. He doesn't normally "allow" me in there which I don't mind because I hate cooking anyway. But sometimes he will come home and say "how come tea isn't on?" I'll say "I assumed you'd be doing it" and he'll reply "oh no, you SAID you were doing it tonight, remember?" and I know full well I didn't ... he just doesn't want to do it and wants to make it my responcibility by saying I'd arranged to do it and not bothered.

It was the same at Christmas.

"Well, I've arranged to go to my parents now because you SAID you would go to your mums on boxing day, not Christmas eve ... remember?" I didn't! he just wants to manipulate me into thinking I've messed everyone's plans up, its all my fault etc ..

He does it about other stuff too, sometimes small stuff, sometimes big stuff but it actually makes me question my own memory half the time.

It's emotional abuse, isn't it? or am I being a drama queen?

Umm.. If this is 'stand-alone' behaviour I'm not sure its emotional abuse. My DP seems sometimes to be incapable of even hearing my voice - like he's got all this "serious manly work thoughts" on his mind. Me "sweety, dya want coffee?" him "meeheeeurrr... (noise)" "is that a no?" "yeeeeaaaaahhhh...." then 5 minutes later "you made yoursef coffee and didnt make me one (really hurt face)""but I asked you" "no you didn't, oh thats mean, blah, blah...".

Infuriating and sometimes with really quite serious stuff like apointments too. Other than that he's angelic, just can't multi-think when he's busy. If he's winding you up in other ways, maybe it is.. ask him what he thinks is going on and then compare it to your version of events. He may genuinely just be oblivious to your 'reality'.

i'd say its emotional abusive. had this with ex.

it eventually progressed to him saying similar about me to family.

then convincing them i was losing it.

when i came to leave it they had got to the point where they believed him over me initially.

i had to prove what i was saying was true before they realised as i needed their help to get out of the relationship without going to a homeless shelter.

worse bit is once you start questioning yourself. and wondering if you really did say those things and are losing your marbles.

Please have a look through your posts. It might help you see things from a different perspective.

You are posting about this turd being a turd again. He is a turd. He is not going to stop being a turd. You can't change him.

If I were you, I'd get a plan and get the fuck out. (Actually, he's not violent is he? He's just a prick, so I'd probably get a plan, and the plan would be telling him to fuck right off.)

It is his way of manipulating you because he has no respect for you, and and he thinks you are stupid enough to fall for it and let him away with it.

Are you?

Google gaslighting - I wouldn't be giving him the benefit of the doubt here that he's "just imagined it".

I have been the victim of gaslighting...and still sometimes wonder whether or not it was me. Despite being assured by many mant highly qualified mental health professionals that I am completely normal. (of course I "charmed" them into believing me).

It is a digusting thing to do to another human being. It is completely disabling mentally.

You KNOW what you know.

He is not you, he does not exist in your head. Only you know what you have said, have done, what you think, what your motivations are. No one else.

Yes it is abuse. It is horrific abuse.

I have found Patricia Evans " the verbally abusive man, can he change" to be brilliant at explaining why they do this. It was like reading my diary!

Start reading, google gaslighting. You will be astonished.

Eurostar got there before me. Yep, it's gaslighting which is when a bully rewrites history making up things that you have said but haven't and denying things that you have actually said.

It is definitely manipulative behaviour and a technique used by emotional/psychological abusers and bullies.

Yes, I have been a victim of such behaviour and am glad to have nothing to do with the person in question.

If you want to know more about emotional abuse and gaslighting, you can google the following in the same line

gaslighting emotional psychological abuse bully loser tosser traits

Good luck.

Been there; still trying to collect my marbles.

Run away, run away.