Help about separation - can you help?

[changeychangey]

I have posted elsewhere about this - wondered if anyone else can help??

Previous post:

Have namechanged. Am worried about a friend who is NOT listening to anything people say and wondered if we are all wrong and she is right.

She's planning on leaving her partner tomorrow. P doesn't know, but a few of us do. She says herself there is no abuse, emotional or physical, they have been fighting a lot since their ds was born 8 months ago, but just "normal" arguments (sounds a lot less than me and dh, but we are quite firey people iyswim).

She discovered by accident that her P had a one night stand before she got pregnant but has never talked it over with him, asked him about it, and it was now 18 months ago.

Tomorrow morning she is planning, as soon as he has gone to work, to strip everything out of their house, furniture, appliances, pictures, everything and take it to a "secret location" (which I expect is her mother's house, but she hasn't said). Apparantly counselling, talking to a lawyer, talking it over in an adult fashion, seperating amicably is not possible as she "can't cope" with seeing him upset.

Now, I understand that it is over - friend has decided that.

What I would like to know is :

1. Wouldn't she be better doing it in less of a "moonlight flit" type of way?
2. Is she doing anything illegal by taking all of their stuff with her? She plans that he will pretty much come home to no curtains/carpets as she intends "taking him to the cleaners".
3. My dh is friends with her P. I haven't even mentioned it to him! I feel m loyalties are very divided!!
4. She says that she will take him for "everything" via the CSA but that her P will "never" see the baby again. This can't be right?

SHe has always been quite a self centred person and can be spiteful/vindictive and I pulled her up on this once, resulting in her not speaking to me for a couple of years.

I know and like her P and feel very sorry for him - he is also a friend.

What would you do - I feel like I am going to chuck up, knowing this is happening!!

What she is planning to do is awful. i would not consider someone who is capable of doing this a friend.

I would tell my DH what she is planning to do and let him tell her DP.

You will be the bad guy, but could you live with yourself knowing what she is going to do and you have said nothing.

I couldn't

He was wrong to have the one night stand. But she is very very wrong to threaten that he can never see DD again. DD deserves a Dad and its not your friend's decision unless said Dad is an actual danger, which it doesn't sound like he is.

Tell your DH and leave it to him to decide what to do withe the info. If he is a good friend, he will warn her DH.

I have a friend whose DH did this to her (no DC involved) - it was extremely traumatic for her to come home to a stripped house!

She is in the wrong to say he will never see the baby again and she does sound extremely vindictive - so I would be very careful myself, but I would still get my DH to tip off her DP - your "friend's" behaviour is outrageous, and disgustingly disrespectful.

My mum did something similar to my dad - the stripping of the house part. He knew she was leaving at some point, but she didn't say what day, and he just came home from work one evening to find everything but the double bed and a few other odds and ends gone. He was devastated. If she is this vindictive, I would be siding with her P - yes, having a one night stand was wrong, but what she is planning to do is far worse - and compltely unethical.

Also, I doubt very much that she would have a legal right to withold access to their child. Unless he has been abusive (and she has proof) or is habitually drunk or on drugs, there is no reason to keep her away from him. And if she's planning to get the CSA to 'clear him out', they would have to know where she is so she couldn't vanish.

As someone else has said, if she's this vindictive I would be treading very gingerly around her, but if you and your DP like her P, then it might be worth seeing what you can do to help him.

Just noticed the OP was a few days ago - did she actually go through with it? What does she plan to do know, and how is her poor P?