How do I convince him that I am really leaving?

[thursdaysgirlhasfartogo]

When I have backed down and given in to him so many times before?

I now know for certain that there is no future for H and I but it's as if he thinks he can just railroad me into staying. When that doesn't work he uses emotional blackmail. I know it is my fault for letting it go on so long (about 18months in total)and only I can make the changes needed to get my DCs and I out of this mess and make a better life for them - the sort of life they deserve.

I don't really post much but read the threads most days, a lot of posters on here seem so strong and self confident despite being through hell themselves.

I guess what I am asking for is a great big MN kick up the bum.

I am so afraid of not being strong enough to go through with this despite knowing it's what I must do - but I am equally scared of H and can only guess (with dread) the depths he will stoop to when I do leave.

"How do I convince him that I am really leaving?"

You have to show him you mean it by leaving and not going back; that's the only way. Try not to concentrate on how he'll feel and concentrate on you and the dc moving forward. It's not about him it's about you and the children.

These guys are arrogant - When I ended the "relationship" with my x I'm sure he thought I would ask him back, and this used to really get to me . Though, I realised that continuing to think/care about what he was thinking about me only meant I was still letting him control my thinking and that was stopping me from moving on properly. Focus on what you need to do and he'll see you mean it anyway.

Are you scared of him? Do you have support from people in your life?

xx

Thank you for the reply,

I'm not scared in terms of physical abuse but more of the threats he makes and that he would carry them through, although I know I wouldn't be responsible for this I think I would still blame myself.

I have family support but they all live 300 miles away - which is where I am going, but so many practicalities to sort out first, feels over whelming!

It does feel overwhelming at first, I know - but it does get much easier and then you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. It all seems much scarier and unsettling in the beginning than it needs to be.

What kind of threats is he making? What steps have you taken to leave?

Don't bother, just leave. When you don't return, he will finally get the hint (Says she who begged ex for 8 years for divorce while her ex just nodded, said we're fine and forgot about it. At the end, one day he said he wanted to leave and I just said "ok", and the bloody idiot still thinks I'm in love with him some people have such egos that can not believe they can be left...)

Thanks for being supportive and I will get back to you but if you look in pets you'll see what has just happened to my dog - what he has allowed to happen the stupid bastard - that could have been one of my kids

I'm sorry i sound like a nutter but i am absolutly

oh no, you are not a nutter, the first round of Relate my ex and I attended originated in a pet problem, then DS was born and good heavens... what an absolute liability he was! I was certainly surprised to realise I was far less stressed on my own than having him around.

Good luck with the vet finding, good night.

Thanks Mongolia the puppy is fine, I don't think he did eat the tablets but just another case of H twatish behaviour.

I have started on the practicalities of moving and found this has kept me really focused all day so not been worrying about him too much.

I think the thought of moving 300 miles with 3 DC under 5 is quite daunting but will be worth it in the end

Glad to hear he's fine. Ad also that you are keeping focused on what you want to do. Best of luck.

Thanks