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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DO I MOVE ON?

4 replies

Sophistication · 29/03/2010 22:26

I was married, but in Dec '06' we separated & since then we've been living apart.From the time we got married in '02', 'hubby' has always cheated, but we've always managed to patch things up, until '06' when we started living apart. The thing is that 'hubby'has always been in our life(mine & the children) since the separation. He's always there when needed & puts our children 1st. We've also often been intimate & he still tells me that he's hoping that we'll once more be a family unit.
Since the separation, i haven't been in a relationship with any man, even though he's had quiet a few himself. The problem now is that i am getting 'fed up' with hanging around & relying on his 'hopes' of us getting back together because first of all, the intimacy seems to have gone out the window & again, he keeps coming up with excuses like ' lets get to know each other better before getting intimate again'. ( He never thought of that before getting under the sack with me 3wks ago). I am human & i need my emotional as well as my physical needs met. I feel he's taking advantage of the fact that i am not in a relationship yet. I've told him on few occasions that i am moving on, & the next thing, he come running back to me.
Please, any advise on how to handle this situation because i am really up to my neck with this emotional instability. Any advise/suggestion will be highly appreciated.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 30/03/2010 00:11

You're right, he's enjoying having his single life whilst keeping you on a string. I'm relieved to hear you're getting fed up of it!

I'd advise a few sessions with a counsellor, simply because they know lots of handy "tricks" to help you detach & get back to living your own life. There are books as well - I just think you may as well see an expert with the full set of tools!

Good for you And good luck.

AnyFucker · 30/03/2010 08:33

you will find your emotions will stabilise more if you stop sleeping with him

no wonder you haven't had any more relationships...with hubby hanging around what decent man would be interested ?

you have to stop being his fuck buddy

he can obviously do the sex thing and keep his emotions out of it

you cannot (many women cannot)

stop sleeping with him

keep any communication purely re. the dc's

stop having heart-to-hearts about your "relationship"...you don't have one apart from the casual comfort shagging

he will keep you hanging on until he finds another woman he wants to stay with...then you will be dumped from a very great height

don't let that happen...take control, find your comfort within yourself and dcs...your self-esteem will thank you for it !

BelleDameSansMerci · 30/03/2010 08:37

What AF said...

Really, he isn't treating you with any kindness, consideration or respect.

Karmann · 30/03/2010 12:12

You need to shut the door on this man and stop being there for him when he wants you to. It's not the fact that you are not in a relationship he's taking advantage of, it's you he's taking advantage of.

You say yourself he's always cheated and if that's the case and he's not willing to change his behaviour (which he clearly isn't) you need shot of him. By sleeping with him you are giving him the all clear to carry on his lifestyle exactly how he wants to. How can you move on when you are willing to accept such shoddy behaviour - surely you're worth more than that.

He can still be a father to your children but that doesn't involve you being available for him.

When you tell him you're moving on he comes back round - he doesn't want anybody else to have you but doesn't want you full time himself. It's control.

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