any advice please ppl

[poopeeplops]

Had bad pregnancy and father wasnt ready for a baby but i didnt want a termination, was not planned but werent taking precautions either. I choose to keep the baby and knew i wud be doing it alone, he messed me around alot through the pregnancy saying i want to be involved then no i dont want to be involved. I always forgave him and gave him another chance to be there throughout the pregnancy and each and every time he let me down with excuses.
Baby is here now and he wants to try and make amends but thinks my way is a joke, he was aggressive towards me wen i was 9mths and never showed support.
He has tried all the ways to get me to agree to access giving me a guilt trip that ive caused this situation and lied to him(which i havent), giving me altermatums if i dont answer in 5 minutes etc..., then saying that im a f*"@ing joke and i can go f@*k myself, also he told me wen i was due he would fuck me off and cant be bothered with us. i have said contact has to be in a contact centre and i want drugs test to prove hes not been smoking drugs before seeing him, he has said he is not willng to do this, i now feel guilty, have i done the right thing? He once told me he drives after having smoked drugs with his other son in the car, and he smokes it at home whilst other child is there, i just want my son safe. Opinions please ladies!

I feel really guilty and bad about the situation, feel like this is my payback for not terminating the baby.

don't feel guilty! if it was me i would tell him he isn't having contact and i would not want anything to do with him. change your telephone number and if he turns up at your house being abusive call the police. if he wants contact then let him take the matter to court, which i doubt he will do and even if he does you can raise your concerns and someone will listen. sems to me that he just wants to control you. you have a small baby and you need to put both the baby and yourself first!!

oh my goodness not a mistake he sounds like a nasty man and best kept away from your baby

Agree - let him take you to court for access. I think you probably need some proper advice though - you could try ringing Citizen's Advice, or some solicitor firms will do a free half hour's worth of advice. If you don't think your son will be safe with him then there's no way you should allow unsupervised access. In the meantime, could you change your number?

Thnx for all advice given, have changed number, seeked advice and he is not on birth certificate so im ok at the mo, he cud take me to court but his actions so far show me he wudnt have the effort in him to bother. sad but i have tried and have the proof that i have , thanx ppl for support means alot x

You are definitely doing the right thing. If he is this abusive and unpredictabel while he is trying to get what he wants out of you, I can only imagine how he would get if you gave him easy access. You need to keep being as strong as you have been so far, and trust in yourself.

The CAB are fantastic for advice, and also offer help filling out forms and such. If you need legal support or advice, I would go there first as they will tell you who to call and what to do next.

Incidentally, he would be mad to take you to court - even if he could be bothered, they would take one look at him and his track record of behaviour to you and refuse to give him unsupervised access. Keep records of his language to you as proof of domestic abuse, and they will refuse him unsupervised access. Emotional abuse is domestic abuse, and that is taken exceedingly seriously by the courts, especially where there is evidence. If you have any e-mails, texts or voicemail messages from him, keep a copy in case you need to provide evidence to someone. That way you know you will be protected whatever he does, and that safety net will support you.