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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

anyone

21 replies

horridperson · 29/03/2010 09:59

anyone walked out of a marriage after 20 years leaving behind 14 and 18 year olds? did kids hate you? was it worth it?

OP posts:
WhoIsAsking · 29/03/2010 10:04

Can't imagine leaving my children.

My XH's mum walked out of his life when he was 16 and left him with his dad.

He is totally fucked up, he hates her guts and although she wants to reconcile with him, he would "rather pour bleach in my eyes than talk to that fucking bitch"

She walked away without a backward glance, it's ok to leave a marriage, and it's ok to be the NCP, as long as there is lots of contact, support and love for the children.

CowWatcher · 29/03/2010 10:04

Hello. I'm sure you're not a horrid person. I can only offer my POV from the other side of the fence. My mother left my father (and us) when I was 16. I don't hate her. She annoys me sometimes, but that's another story!

She made an effort to explain, to see us often and to not get involved in the blaming game. She tried to shield us from the horrible-ness & not to bad-mouth our father in any way.

Having said all that, is there nothing you can do to sort things out? Have you tried 'relate' or similar? I am left with the lingering doubt as to whether my mother really did all she could to make her marriage with my father work. She met someone else & left to live with him and I still think this was an easy way out.

Either way, I wish you the best.

horridperson · 29/03/2010 10:12

in an ideal world dh would go but he is not a bad person, he works as hard as me and this is his house to. how can i expect him to leave all that. the children are older, have their lives here, why would they come with me! i dont love him but i dont hate him, do i just resign myself to being like this for the rest of my life if it stops my kids hating me and screwing up their lives, i will do it.

OP posts:
tartyhighheels · 29/03/2010 10:17

Mt h's mate (now 36) had his mother leave him and his sister when he was 14 and she was 17/18 - they stayed with their dad who is a lovely man but they both now loath her. He has a problem with alcohol and she at 40 has decided never to have children.

The way the speak about her is the worst thing because not matter what she says now she can never make it up to them.

I am not judging you but just telling you for these people it has ruined their lives to a greater or lesser degree.

WhoIsAsking · 29/03/2010 10:20

Have you tried relate or similar?

PrettyFeckinVacant · 29/03/2010 10:23

Could you not live separate lives within the same house? Maybe separate rooms - your own space?

That is what we are doing but my dc are alot smaller than yours.

You can be legally separated but live in the same house

RealityIsWalking100K · 29/03/2010 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WilloughbyWallaby · 29/03/2010 10:44

My DH's mother did this when he was 15 and his sister was 16. It was very damaging for them both, IMO, but they both still have a fairly good relationship with her.

I agree with PFV - can you be by yourself, but share a house? I'm trying to do it at the moment too because DD is very young.

Your OP doesn't have much detail, so it's unclear whetherr there's a terrible situation you n eed to get away from, or whether your relationship has just run its course and you need to concentrate on yourself, but if there is any way you could make it work by staying in the same house or area, keeping things amicable with their dad and spending just as much time with your DCs as you did before the seperation, you will probably feel much better about yourself and the situation.

You're not a horrid person at all and I hope you can find some way of making things work for you x

Anniegetyourgun · 29/03/2010 10:48

You know, there's a world of difference between walking out of your children's lives, and leaving their father. I had to leave XH for my own sanity, which was already well shaken, and had such low self-esteem I didn't believe I could look after them as well as he could (!); plus, as you say with yours, their lives were based in that house, while I was the only one unhappy, so I didn't feel I had a right to take them away. But I did make it very clear (after I realised XH had been telling them the opposite!) that they were more than welcome to come with me forever or stay with me occasionally or whatever suited them. Fast forward a couple of years, and two do live with me out of choice, while the other two have their own lives but choose to stay at mine when they need to crash out. They wish their father well but they do not want to spend a lot of time in his company. They don't feel that I left them, because I never did. And although they were bewildered and in a couple of cases angry, they didn't end up hating me, because their habit of loving me was too strong. They are good boys (understatement of the century).

It is probable that DS2's failure to complete his university studies was due to us splitting up when we did. I feel bad about that on the rare occasions when I feel anything other than numb. But with the headspace I was in, I could not have stayed even for them. It was more than unhappiness, it was madness. The very centre of my universe was skewed - the children always used to be at that centre. I couldn't even think about what was better for them, though in hindsight, my walking was better for them as well, and I wish I'd done it years before, while my head was still relatively straight.

Thing is, your two are old enough to understand and have an input in the decision. If you explain that you love them as much as ever, don't want to disrupt their lives, but simply cannot live with their father any more, you are treating them as the adults they are or soon will be - communicating, discussing, negotiating options. They still need your love and care - we never really grow out of needing to know our parents love us - but they also need to have some say their own futures. Whether they will hate you for it I can't say. It may be a long while before they really understand. It's not going to be easy for any of you, however you play it. Like others have said, the important thing is that they know you are not leaving them and that you'll always be there for them, wherever "there" may be in future. Whatever I may say about XH (and I often do!) he also is still there for them, strange and damaged perhaps, not so reliable these days, but they do know he cares and would give them his last penny if they needed it. That really is the most important thing.

Rubyrubyruby · 29/03/2010 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun · 29/03/2010 10:51

ps Living in the same house with XH was absolutely not an option. He had his little ways, shall we say, which made it intolerable. We had to share a roof for two ghastly years while the divorce and house sale went through, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. No idea if you have any issues of that nature.

horridperson · 29/03/2010 10:56

if i wait until kids are older and have left home (if that ever happens lol) do you think it would make it easier for them.
i have no intention of just leaving without contact but still think it would ruin the relationship between us.
only way is to stick it out i suppose. sep lives are not an option, dh would not be happy and life would be awful.
relate is not an option as dh does not think we have problems..........just me!
thanks for the advice. its all a very long story and my head is not capable of puttng it all down on here just yet but my children, however old will always come first x

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/03/2010 11:01

You write that DH would not be happy - you are not responsible for his happiness or lack of.

Why would have have to stick it out, you could well spend the next 3-5 years in such mental torment.

Do you think your children are aware of the problems between you. They likely are all too aware which can affect their perceptions of future relationships. They would also not thank you in the long term for staying with him simply for their sakes. They should not be used as the glue that binds an unhappy marriage together. They likely know that you've been unhappy together for a long time and may even wonder why you and your H are still together at all.

horridperson · 29/03/2010 11:08

my older one is more understanding, younger one is all for dad lol. i do care about his happeness, i know he loves me very much but he is quite hurtful when things dont go his way or i go out etc. i thought it was ml crisis but it has not gone away! he works hard and i cant expect him to give me the house etc while kids finish their schooling, in the same breath i can not afford to go it alone with the children, its all so complicated and i feel so selfish, i often dream that he will just meet someone else and run of with them but i know (and i really do know) that he would never do that.
I will try harder for all sakes and see what happens. again, thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 29/03/2010 11:18

"i know he loves me very much but he is quite hurtful when things dont go his way or i go out etc"

That sounds kind of bad... OP, I feel for you, and I don't think you're horrid at all. I hope you can hack it as that is what you've decided to do, but do keep it under review, and stand up for yourself as you have the right to do. You may not walk out the door but you are still a person in your own right, and love is no excuse to treat someone poorly.

horridperson · 29/03/2010 11:19

:-((((( thank you so much x

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/03/2010 11:30

Hi "horrid"

I have put "horrid" in quotemarks precisely because you are not horrid at all, you likely feel horrid because of your H's behaviour towards you which has brought you to the point of wanting to move out. You are not selfish at all.

"my older one is more understanding, younger one is all for dad lol. i do care about his happeness, i know he loves me very much but he is quite hurtful when things dont go his way or i go out etc"

That does not sound like love to me at all; you sound like you've been conditioned by him over the years to accept such harsh and dare I say abusive treatment of you at his hands.

He may well work hard but then so do many people and they don't treat their spouse like this. This is still no excuse for him to treat you as he does.

You may want to read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. He sounds like an angry man as well as a controlling one.

Has your eldest realised that his/her Dad is controlling, is this why he/she is more understanding?. Has he/she argued with their Dad re him wanting to control them too?. Your youngest has not really cottoned onto him yet, at 14 also they have no real life experience. He/she at 14 won't finish school/college for about another 5 years; you need to act long before then or you will find another reason at that time not to leave him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/03/2010 11:31

You don't need to try "harder", that is not the answer here. My guess too is that you could be in your eyes "the perfect wife" to him and he'd still find fault and or criticism. You cannot ever please these people as they are deeply unhappy within their own selves. It is not your fault he is like this, he was made that way probably by his own parents.

Coldhands · 29/03/2010 20:08

My mum walked out on me when I was 4. It has damaged me greatly. I will never get over the fact that my own mum walked away from me and even now she still won't have anything to do with me.

If I ever see her I will beat the shit out of her and I am not a violent person.

geekdad · 29/03/2010 20:23

I really DON'T think that it is easier for the children if you stick it out until they leave home (I'm in the middle of a separation from my DW and we have two DCs - 11 and 14). There was a Grauniad article a few months back about how finding out that your parents stayed together for your sakes was possibly more damaging than dealing with separation earlier on.

Also, a friend of a friend told me something that supports this view. She works in student support at a university and said that it is a pretty common event where the students come to university and within a few months their parents have separated.

She said that these "staying together until the children have left home" parents do not soften the blow to their children. She reckons it's worse because it causes the children to question everything about their apparently happy childhoods.

geekdad · 29/03/2010 20:35

Also want to add to what Attila said. You really, really should not be expected to martyr yourself to your marriage.

It sounds to me like you have thought long and carefully about how you feel. Arranging to see a Relate counsellor for yourself might help you get some more clarity and to decide what course of action might be best.

I fully understand your reluctance to disrupt your children's lives (I've been there myself; and still worry about it), but you have to seriously consider what would be best for all concerned in the long run. Children want their parents to be happy.

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