My mother ?does not take sides?. So, it does not matter what I do and what my sister does we are treated equally and nobody is told they are wrong.
I have worked since I was 15, I have never smoked. I did not start drinking until I left home for university. I met my husband when I was 20, we have three children, own our house (with a mortgage) and we both work. It has been far from easy but nobody helps us or has ever helped us. My sister lives nearby, does not work and has never helped me with anything.
My sister is 36, she has worked for two years of her life, the rest of the time she has her hand out for benefits. When she was 24 she had a baby. The father was a violent drug taking man who did a bit of work shifting boxes for bands so was, therefore, cool. He left her in their damp flat when she was pregnant, he went to Glastonbury and didn?t come home. She thought he was dead, but he was with another woman. She had the baby on her own, I was her birth partner. She told anyone that would listen that the baby had been conceived on every drug going. She drank and smoked throughout her pregnancy, the baby had asthma. She refused offers of places to stay and went to live in a hostel for the homeless. I took her out as often as I could and it was never a pleasure, she did not say thank you once. She took the baby to pubs at night and had one night stands with the baby lying on the floor. Then she got her own house; she was not grateful.
She lived with one man, then another. And she got pregnant again by the father of the first baby. He had gone on the have a baby with his current girlfriend so he was cheating on her this time. My sister had an abortion and now I have children I am ashamed that I had any part in it.
Then she met another ?cool? man and married him. He has started to work, she got sacked for being bad at her job, did not try to get another and then got pregnant. She still smokes. Her first child is 11, he is a mess but she can?t see it. He spends most of his time on a gaming machine, he is aggressive towards my children and he makes bleeping noises instead of talking. She thinks she is a liberal parent and she does not believe me about her child?s aggression towards my children.
Her favourite thing to do when she has an audience is to tell stories about how horrible I was to her when I was a child. She wants to do ?family things? with my family and hers. I have done these for years; I organise them, she tells nasty stories about me and her son is aggressive with my very much smaller children. I will not do ?family things? any more. She is now very angry with me and crying to my mother.
She has a car, I do not. We live in similar houses in the same place. I look after my children all day and work all night. She spends most of her time on facebook and her appearance. I pay my mother to look after my children one day a week so I can work. My mother often takes my sister?s son to her home for the weekend so my sister can get drunk, my sister does not even pay for her petrol and expects her to bring the child back to her house too. I have not been out in the evening since my first baby was born and my mother has not offered either.
My mother says it is just that people make ?different choices.? I feel terrible that all my efforts to help her and to make a good life for my children are reduced to this ? should I? Any comments please. I feel so upset by the way this goes on and on.