OW pregnant

[kittya]

In your opinion, do these kind of relationships last? My bf has been with her DH for 18 years, no children. He left her 4 months ago. No children involved. She's just found out OW is pregnant with his child, I dont know what to say. Shes gutted..

You can tell your friend it does get better, but it is a slow process. I found the general view of the self help books that the recovery period is between 1-2 years, absolutely spot on.

But it will gradually stop being the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing you think of when you go to bed. She will stop bursting into tears at random moments, she will feel happy again.

I think this is like a death - you will never 'get over it' in the sense that your life will be like it was before; you will always remember and sometimes feel sad. But it doesn't mean your life is over. She is not alone, and I'm really sorry about that, but it might help for her to know.

Sometimes it helps to allow yourself to get angry. That seems to apply here.

Tell her to dig in her heels wrt the money, property, assets. What a cheek he has, asking for more. If there hasn't been full disclosure of all debts, assets, accounts, property etc. up to now, there should have been. "Civilised" and whatever the opposite is don't apply where protection of your legal rights and your rightful money is concerned. You don't have to put up with being robbed.

There might be some cathartic things your friend could do to expunge this man from her life, like taking their bed out into the garden and burning it, some kind of symbolic grand finale.

Time is the ultimate healer, but it takes time.

yes, I think she was almost recovering from it too quick and this is a setback because it was a shock (although it was expected eventually) and, I wonder if she'd have been better off not finding out so quickly. I think she needed to get angry though.

That must hurt so much. He could have given her a year to get over the relationship breakdown. Ouch. Your poor friend.

Regarding the finances, the fact the OW is having a baby should make no difference to the split if the courts determine the financial settlement. I would still recommend trying to agree the split as going to court will significantly increase costs, reducing the amount of money to go round. Also going to court is always a lottery - you can never be sure how it is going to turn out.

There will need to be full disclosure by both sides. Any settlement they agree can be challenged unless there is full disclosure. And your comment about not having anything in joint names is wrong - ALL assets are taken into account when coming to a settlement, regardless of who's name they are in.

It sticks in my throat to say it but, if he digs his heels in regarding his demand for more money, it might be worth her offering a little extra money just to avoid going to court.

I actually think its her idea to go to court, whether she wouldve before she found out, I dont know. She said she would rather give her money to the courts then to those two.