What do you reckon about my dh?

[EnoughOfThis]

We have two beautiful dcs and when i brought up the subject of more he said he didn''t want anymore. Fair enough, even though I would love another.

I accidently got pregnant, then had an early miscarrage. I was devastated.

Recently he's taken to staying up late and w*ing to porn. I hate that and he knows it. He says it's because he thinks I'm trying to get pg!!!

I am not it was a genuine and very confusing accident. I am a very honest person and would never deliberately get pg.

Advise him to have a vasectomy.

I have and he hasn't even considered it.

So sorry to hear about your loss, Enough.

That's the worst excuse for wanking off to porn I've ever heard. None of this is your fault, he clearly has issues. How is he generally towards you? is he always this unreasonable?

Yes, he needs to take responsibility for his own fertility. He can have a vasectomy or use condoms.

Frankly, at the moment, he sounds like an insensitive jerk.

He's generally fine on a daily basis although our relationship is far far from perfect.

I am really surprised that he really thinks I would get pg deliberately. Especially after i'd told him how shocked I was about a friend who said she would! It's so hurtful.

We have had issues with porn before. I really don't like it and I am definately not a prude, I just have a completely different attitude to sex.

I worked out what he was up to when he started staying up after I'd gone to bed again. He forgot to delete the history the other day, then I saw him anxiously checking the computer the folowing day when he got back from work.

He knows you didn't get pregnant on purpose he's just being nasty and using it as an excuse for what he's doing. Try not to fall for it. He's projecting his embarrassment/guilt onto you.

Yes he's behaving like a nasty and very insensitive jerk and he does have a habit of projecting onto me.

I have taken the laptop to bed with me and he's on the sofa

There seems to be a lot of suspicion and mistrust between the 2 of you.

He suspects you of trying toget pregnant.

You suspect him of watching porn (or has he openly admitted this?)

Man, I know this sounds obvious but the 2 of you need to talk. It's not a healthy relationship the way it is and you both know it.

What's he like generally as a husband and father?

Mrs Sawdust he normally trusts me 100% and if he really thought about it knows I would never bring a child into the world under those circumstances. He's just being very very nasty. In fact, even though I would have dearly loved another baby, I think the mc may actually have been a good thing given the state of our relationship.

I know he watches porn, I first discovered it a year and a half ago (a bit of a shock as we've been together for 10 yrs!). I had made a massive effort to get back in shape (for myself not dh) after dc2 and was feeling great. It completely knocked my confidence and I stopped exercising and watching what I ate.

Needless to say we are not close anymore don't really talk.

He's a great dad and does his fair share in the house, just crap with me Maybe he just doesn't love me anymore

What caused the accidental pregnancy and what was he like once you found out?

I was very busy, forgot a pill and lost track of when. Thought it was more than 7 days beforehand. Normally if I forget (it's not the first time) we use condoms. I think I may have even mentioned to him that i'd forgotten, he didn't check when.

He was ok when he found out, but obviously not over the moon. He was concerned about how it happened.

Well you certainly didn't keep it from him or trick him so he has no right to assume you will trick him now.

He wears a condom or gets the snip. His choice.

If your family is complete then suggest you review your joint choice of contraceptive, worrying about an unwanted pregnancy is not condusive to a good sex life. However, having said that, I think he is making excuses. If my husband watched porn on a computer the computer would be out!

Sounds like you never resolved the porn issue from 18 months ago, and that's the original wedge that's been driven between you. I reckon he doesn't truly believe you're trying to get pg. He's using it as something to hold against you (unresolved anger / guilt over porn) and as an excuse (to continue watching porn).

At that time did you talk about it? Does he know how much it affected your confidence? Did he explain how he feels about it? Did he agree not to watch porn any more?

Although I'm not a fan of porn myself, I would say this - don't confuse his use of it with his desire for you. Men use porn (rightly or wrongly) as a quick release. It is completely detached from their emotions. Whereas when they make love to their partners, it's an emotional and physical expression of how they feel - love, desire, friendship etc.

I'm not saying you have to like or even accept his use of it - but I am saying that you shouldn't allow it to undermine your self confidence. He doesn't look at those women because they're prettier than you (they're not!). He looks at them because they are there and convenient and he has an itch to scratch.

Again, I say that the two of you need to have a really honest, calm talk about all these issues. If he's such a good dad and husband, your relationship is probably worth saving.

(You say maybe he just doesn't love you any more - does he tell you he loves you? Do you tell him?)

Well I thought the porn issue was resolved, we did have a big talk about it, but evidently not. I was devastated then and just feel crap and empty now. He didn't agree to not to watch it anymore I just assumed he wouldn't given how upset I was.

I see your point about the convenience of using porn and I suppose I shouldn't take it to heart. It's hard though when he doesn't show any interest in me. It's not as if I'd turned him down.

I must sound like such a victim but he doesn't seem to care that he's upset me again (I'm considering leaving). Sometimes it feels like he's deliberately trying to hurt me.

You're right we do need to have a calm honest talk. Although I think that our relationship is sadly too damaged to ever be happy and healthy again.

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit low after everything that's happened