I've asked DH to stop drinking completely, will it give us another chance?

[tesrocks]

Married to DH since 1998, two DS and nice home. The only time we ever argue is after we have had a drink. DH got v drunk one night and was unfaithful. Since then I have said we should cut down on drink and try and rescue marriage. He has got drunk twice in last month.

When he came home drunk last night I gave him an ultimatium - he has chosen family over drink, said he will not drink again. It is the last chance to save the marriage but am I acting like a control feak?! I am not his mother and do not want to tell him what to do but feel this is our only chance.

Do you think this may work?

only if he wants it to

are you giving up drinking too ?

I think you should put it a different way.

It's not that you want to control him, it's that you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who drinks so much that they can't control their behaviour - or you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't sexually faithful to you.

That way it's you that's choosing. And you can make the choice to leave if it doesn't suit you.

He doesn't want to stop drinking - he loves it - but once he starts finds it difficult to stop, so thinking only way is for him to be tee total.

I have stopped drinking, don't find it too tricky after stopping when I've been pregnant and the only one with a driving license for two years! DH = DUI=ban!

I suppose the proof will be in pudding. Thanks AF you've been a star in the past always responding to my messages.

have I, tes ?

have you posted about this before, under a different name ?

Last night when he came home drunk he said he wasn't very pissed just a little bit pissed! He is so horrid when he is drunk, a completely different person, he was making faces at me when I was trying (yet again) to explain why I am so anxious about his drinking.

The only reason he said the "unfaithfulness" happened was a moment of madness (V V drunk) but it was with my friend of thirty years. She has admitted to making the first move and said that he did stop her...eventually. I can't get stop thinking about this and I so so want to. It happened about a month ago and I completly lost it.

I have not spoken to her since then and have no intention of ever doing so - but I do miss her and worry about her, single mum, no job and has lost a good friend in me.

Yes AF. I got drunk when I found out about his infidelity and posted far TMI and didn't want to hurt other people so post was pulled. Have not drunk since then, felt v ashamed that I couldn't hold it together. MN got me through that day. Thank you.

oh yes, I have a vague memory of that post

you may not want to hear this, but I am not really sure why you are still with him, tbh

it certainly doesn't sound like anything has changed, and that he is particularly serious about saving your relationship

why shoud you have to "order" him to stop drinking ?

you are not his mum, he is not a child

he should be able to modify his own behaviour....not be "policed" by you

that just seems like too much effort to me...I just could not be bothered...if he hadn't modified his own drinking by now I would have binned him

his piss-taking of you makes my skin crawl, tbh

why are you even still together ?

< accepts that tes will cross me off her Xmas card list >

I made a list of good and points of our relationship and believe it or not there was a lot on the good side. I suppose I am not willing to throw the towel in quite yet. I am bothered as he is an excellent father, and great Dh when sober.

If this doesn't work then q clearly I will move on and stop bothering you all

Thing is, you can't control another person's behaviour, and you definitely can't control an addict's behaviour. If your H is an alcoholic as opposed to an irresponsible drinker, he will only stop drinking when he is ready to. Prepare yourself for the fact that you may have to leave him or make him leave the family home, though, because you do have a choice as to whether or not you stay in the relationship.

tes, you are not bothering anybody, I promise you that x