Had to call police last night...

[gonetoofar]

Name changed...

I had to call the police last night. Went out for a drink, came back and my partner had been drinking pintloads of cheap cider.

He started talking to me in a very quiet and threatening voice. He knows better than to breach his previous supervision order for assault (against me)...but I was feeling very scared...

He was saying that I won't take his son away from him...I have a job offer abroad that I am thinking of taking...he then leaned over and tried to snatch my engagement ring off my finger.

He then sat back down and continued to talk to me in a very low and threatening voice, saying he'd been researching my family and mentioned some things about my familys past that I really don't know how he knew.

I felt that he was suggesting he would use this infomation to prevent me from taking our son abroad with me.

He then stood up and brought his face right up to mine and screamed that I was a somethhing or other, frightened the life out of me.

He then became increasing agressive, still talking in the same low voice but repeatedly banging the table, telling me I was going to fail, leaning in very close...I told him that he was scaring me, and he started yelling at me to call the effing police then and see if they laugh me because I'm so pathetic etc etc...

Anyway, I called them and they came because I have a flag thingy on my number from previous incidents. They took him away to his dads.

This morning I've had to bring my son into the office and call my Dad to pick him up...he's coming from wiltshire so he'll be a while. He was going to have him on Monday anyway. My partner is going to be SERIOUSLY pissed when he finally wakes from what I presume is a drunken slumber at his dads house as he hasn't tried to call me. And realises I've packed our son off without him getting to say goodbye. I'll go to stay at a friends tonight before flying out tomorrow and I'm ot back for a week.

I really need some reassurance that I have done the right thing here...have I overreacted? I've given him so many chances I shouldn't have to come home to find him in sole charge of our child, pissed out of his face....

I'm scared

Lots of support from me too, you have done the right thing, you know deep down you have, otherwise you wouldn't have done it.

Stay strong for you and your son.

And take that job and don't look back.

As AnyFucker says.

You don't want your little boy growing up with a bully. Not only it would be a bad example, but the abusive relationship you will have will make him feel unsafe and miserable.

Your partner is a twat.

Take the job, move abroad with you son and start a new life.

It may seem hard to do now, but trust me, you will be surprised how quickly you will feel much happier than you are now.

And you know, there's plenty of NICE guys in this world.

Your hopefully soon to be ex is a pathetic looser, not you.

You have done the right thing

BUT

You urgently need to get legal advice, WRT going abroad to work.

If your EX partner has parental responsibilty for your son he can prevent you from taking him abroad to live.

SixtyFootDoll:

I was under the impressed that unless we were married or he had legally adopted his own son I was able to make that desicion without him?

that is partly where his anger is stemming from, he greatly dislikes being so completely out of control of the situation...

He's tried calling me a few times now and I'm ignoring him. I know thats a stupid immature thing to do but I'm scared to talk to him and end up with him convincing me that I'm in the wrong...

He;s just called me again and again. I picked up the phone and he isn't sorry. He thinks I've overreacted. I knew this would happen.

Actually, it's not stupid or immature to ignore his calls. He's exercising a form of violence against you. Harrassment and stalking are crimes; he's doing both to you.

Please do call Women's Aid, just for the chat. You'll be amazed how well they seem to know him!

Go on, just dial 0808 2000 247
xx

not if its his own son, is he the father of your child?

why would he have to legally adopt if the child is his biologically?

i would get out for now,(using the police if you have to) stay out, and seek advice pronto.

you haven't over reacted but he will have a say if the child is his. you need to come to some agreement which may need third party intervention by the sounds of it.

Please call the number above. They'll be able to reassure and let you know your rights regarding taking son to your dad's and going abroad.

Only read OP. You have done the right thing. Your soon to be ex sounds like a dick of the highest order.

he assaulted you previously,
he threatened and scared you. reminding you that he has not changed one bit...

you did the right thing and you dont have to talk to him at all.

let him send email - so you ahve it recorde what he is saying.

but dont respond anything other than "i received your message and am seeking legal advice" presumably you hadsolicitor before to get the order?

No if he is the father of the child
and his name is on the birth certificate then he has equal PR

The being married at time of birth part went out a few years ago

Never see this man againg. Leave him for good and cut ALL ties. Your son doesnt need a shit father like that one.
Get the POLICE to escourt you round if you need to get your stuff. DO NOT go alone....EVER !
Stay strong..you are right and very brave to get out and move abroad.
Like you , i have been treated Very badly by men in the past. It makes me very angry to see you go r=through the same. Get this man out of your life ASAP. He is a complete loser and you deserve better and so does your son.
Best wishes and good luck. HUGs HUGS ! XXX

Second what the others have said, well done thus far, but don't try and take your son abroad without your ex's permission. Get legal advice about it pronto, otherwise he can do you for kidnapping.

Going abroad for a short while (months)....... surely you dont need permission.? How long you stay is up to you though. Do you need permission from a man who has treated you like this ??????????? Surely not. Cut your ties and run i reckon. He deserves no say IMHO .

SixtyFootDoll is right - if his name is on the birth certificate as the father of the DC then he has equal parental rights as gonetoofar. In this instance I'm really sorry that this is the case, but that's how it is.

as i read through your post it gave me a feeling in my stomach which i have'nt for a long time. i was in a relationship simular to you & you have done the right thing! do not dout yourself. do not go back to him. if you go back he'll keep on doing it. i was always told i was over reacting & he was never really sorry as he did'nt think it was that bad. i left with a 11 month old & a 2 yr old & have never looked back. my boys don't see their dad, we have'nt seen him since we left about a year & half ago.
please don't give in to him as i'm now free from that nervous feeling in my stomach & so can you & belive me its the best feeling ever!

You cant take your child out of the country for more than 28 days without the permission of the other parent.
If you do it is a criminal offence.
If you want to you would have to seek a court order and prove it was in your childs best interest to take him.

Prob not whaat you want to hear , which is why you really need to get ome legal advice.