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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

bad at being married?

4 replies

mrsconflicted · 26/03/2010 21:25

My husband is depressed and home life pretty rubbish at the mo. Husband's job not secure due to capability issues (acknowledged to be partly around depression and mental health issues). I am earning a lot more than DH and didn't want to go back to work FT but didn't trust DH to hang onto his job and needed to know mortgage would be paid. I feel so incredibly disappointed in where we are. So not how I'd imagined things panning out. I was upfront about being up for a bunch of kids and holding off the career for a few years. Open to sharing childcare etc - didn't want someone to totally look after me IYKWIM? But basically DH is super hero as got flexible public sector role and is there for DD more than me.. I work more hours and have more extra curricular stress. It's not how I want things to work.

Anyway, I'm in a male environment at work and not amazingly attractive but seem to have lots of male attention. I wonder if I'm subconsciously giving off an 'available' vibe. Anyway, recently, I've been propositioned by a guy through work - bit of a 'moment' was tempted didn't do anything and posted on here because it upset me and made me think about my marriage and the fact that I wanted to do something. Have developed a close friendship with male colleague who has a few days ago broken it off with his long term partner. He has called me three times today to talk. I feel guilty. There is nothing in it but at the same time I've not told my DH. I feel all over the place. I don't know how to fix my marriage and have talked more to this colleague recently than my husband. I feel like I want to run away and if there was a place I could go with my DD and sort the childcare and everything and the bills I would. I don't know what I'm doing and feel too young for this sort of marriage crisis.

OP posts:
mrsconflicted · 26/03/2010 21:49

Sorry - it was a stream of consciousness, very dull. Just helps sometimes to write things down. Will stop drinking and go shake the week away with some sleep.

OP posts:
omaoma · 26/03/2010 21:56

don't take this as an insult but i think a lot of the attn you are getting is due to being one of few women in a male environment... testosterone being what it is. no wonder you are being confused by the attention when home and partner is giving you so little at mo.

you need lots and lots of support as you are clearly going through a hard time and finding it hard to deal with life not being what you expected. focus on this being the issue and think about your needs rather than the other male colleagues - push them to one side for a while if you can and get your support somewhere more equable.

if it's any help, i had a conversation with a female friend this week very similar to this - she sent into a tailspin by a close friendship with a bloke that seemed to have potential to blossom, when she felt there were things lacking in relationship with partner.

mrsconflicted · 26/03/2010 22:03

you're right of course, it's pathetic isn't it? I feel a fool, I jumped into marriage before my peers and I was ABSOLUTELY certain about it. It has turned into a mess and I feel a fool. I just want to run away and I'm seeing things that aren't there. Just want to go and have some fun - the atmosphere at home is so oppressive and on the other hand attractive guys are tring to convince me to go out for drinks with them. I don't want to ruin my marriage I'm just unhappy. I have a self destructive streak and trying to stop myself from bringing things to a head in a moment of madness.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 27/03/2010 03:06

I don't want to diminish you, Mrs.C, as you seem to be doing quite a good job of that yourself. You do sound conflicted! Almost as though you wanted two knights on two white chargers - one being you, and the other being your ideal husband? You do realise that won't work, don't you?

I'm unclear about what's wrong with your marriage - though something is! You've painted your H as a perfect specimen. But he can't be, at least not for you ...

Would you care to elucidate?

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