Hi there
First of all, huge sympathy to you and anyone else who has been in this awful situation. The wise person who told you three months to get over it is I think right, but only if you break contact.
I had an EA myself and it took four years of my life away. I feel deeply in love with someone and he with me, though nothing was ever said. It caused irreparable damage to my marriage. Long story I won't go into, but things got very intense and I thought this was leading up to a declaration on his part. When it came it was not what I was expecting - he told me his wife was pregnant with twins.
I wanted to curl up in a ball and I cut him out of my life, turned myself almost into a recluse and stopped engaging with the outside world because I didn't want to risk seeing him.
He responded to this by compulsively walking his dog past my house looking utterly miserable and losing weight by the day. This only started after I blew him out and it went on for two and a half years. It made it so difficult to move on.
I hung on by my fingernails and tried to get on with my life. Last September the walking past stopped, inexplicably. Now it's January and I can honestly say I'm over him after all this time. In the process I have realised my own strength and acquired some self esteem. My marriage is still terrible and I am still here, but I have other things in my life and hope for the future.
No one can rescue you. I loved this man and would have done had I met him at any time, I think. It was massive. But I also wanted him to rescue me. No-one could do this for me, I could only do it for myself.
I feel for you and wish you the best. Break contact. It will be hard and painful and you will feel weak sometimes. But if you do this, in three months you will feel better. It wasn't my fault I didn't move on, it was OM's actions that made this impossible. But I regret the waste of time and emotions.
Leave this behind you. I promise you will wake up and feel free and more positive about yourself and you will have gained strength from the experience.
What happened to me was the worst pain I can imagine. I thought I would die of misery. The only thing I could imagine worse was losing one of my children.
But I'm OK now and you can be.