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Relationships

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How fast is too fast?

13 replies

VictoriasLittleKnownSecret · 26/03/2010 07:48

I met a man on the net.... we have both been in other relationships until January this year. My other relationship was 25 yrs long. He was divorced 4 yrs ago and has had g/f since then.

We have barely chatted for that reason but had similar contacts and been in same group online so I know a lot about him. I have always really liked him.

Anyway we're both single now.

So we are now privately chatting and it's like a flood of chat. I feel such a connection with him and he says all the right things to the point that I'm almost spooked by how right they are. I feel I can be completely honest with him even if it's stuff that normally you'd hide away. I'm not putting on any front and he's accepting the real me. In the last 3 or 4 yrs he's chatted openly in our online group because it was non romantic and therefore he can't undo or say stuff that isn't 'him'. I feel that what I hear is him and I also feel it's exactly what I want in a partner.

We have met 3 times over the last 3 yrs and in a month we are going away for a weekend in Germany. He had a visit planned and I just happened to have a rare weekend without the DC so we have decided to grab that time to see more of each other. He offered me a separate room.

I'm falling head over heels. I am also reeling after a long marriage and am aware of the risk of falling into another relationship so fast.

Advise me please.

OP posts:
warthog · 26/03/2010 08:25

i think too fast is if it makes you feel uncomfortable. i wouldn't make any decisions quickly, like moving in together, but don't see the harm in spending time with him.

you only live once!

MrIC · 26/03/2010 09:29

I don't think there are any rules on this - whatever feels comfortable!!

have a nice time in Germany

Karmann · 26/03/2010 09:40

No rules on timescales but you do have the benefit of being aware and of having built up a friendship. Enjoy yourself and have a lovely time.

Niftyblue · 26/03/2010 09:45

You have been building this friendship up over 3 years.
You do know him pretty well
Go and have agreat time
You do what you feel is right for you

SolidGoldBrass · 26/03/2010 09:49

It's only a weekend away. Enjoy! But just make sure you have enough money to sort out your own accommodation and transport home if things go wrong.

VictoriasLittleKnownSecret · 26/03/2010 23:10

Thank you. Good advice especially about sorting own transport home

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 26/03/2010 23:25

Listen to his ACTIONS over his words. Any bloke can say the right thing. Really! Who's paying for Germany? How are you geting there? Is he helping you get there (collecting you, taking you to airport, etc?)?

Look at what he does.

agasarecool · 26/03/2010 23:26

Victorias

OMG you sound like i did a couple of years ago.... married 20 odd years... got separated, had this bloke who was just a really good mate, honestly, we would text and chat and he was always making sure I was ok. Anyway, he had 'issues' of his own, I'd been there for him years and years before, not in a sexual way or anything.

So one day I was feeling very down. Life was crap, everything was gettin on top of me. so he was texting me back and forward, then he phoned 'you seem really down' 'dramatic sniff, no i'm FINE'.

At the time he lived 55 miles away. An hour and a half later he was at my door, with wine and chocolate. He left the next morning ;-). We are still together. He is simply the best thing that ever happened to me.

Go on your trip, enjoy yourself and keep an open mind. Good luck.

agasarecool · 26/03/2010 23:30

Sorry forgot to say that I agonised for months about whether it was too fast. Then I just decided to go with the flow.

VictoriasLittleKnownSecret · 26/03/2010 23:38

Beautiful - he's paying. I feel so uncomfortable about this that I have asked to contribute. We have agreed he will pay costs because he was going anyway but we will share everything else

Agasarecool - my concerns come from the knowledge that I'm rusty with relationships and vulnerable because of recent split. He's much more stable. I'm frightened of being on the rebound and wrecking a good friendship.

I've not been with another man since marriage many many yrs ago. I suspect chatting on the net is a whole different ball game to seeing him in the flesh (and sharing a room for 4 days!)

OP posts:
agasarecool · 27/03/2010 06:34

Victoriaslittleknownsecret that's how i felt, I felt out of practice with dating/relationships. But dp (as he is now) was much more sorted in head at that point iyswim?

Also, tbh, in my specific instance, I think it helped that we had been friends for a long long time and I absolutely trusted him as a friend if that makes sense?

SolidGoldBrass · 27/03/2010 09:27

VLKS: IF he is paying then you definitely need to make sure you have enough money for a) a night in a hotel and b) transport.
THis man is almost certainly just as nice as you think he is and you will have a lovely time. But just in case he turns out to be a bore, or a creep, or thinks that paying for things entitled him to get his cock serviced, being able to just grab your stuff and walk out on him is a good thing when you are a long way from home; being stranded with a man you dont like or are uneasy around because you are dependent on him is a very bad idea.

cluttergoddess · 27/03/2010 10:34

Solidgold is right.
Also take a mobile with international access and pre-arrange contact times with a 3rd party.
Think of a fail safe if you are delayed/have no mobile access. Ensure that contact is voice; not E Mail.
Set up a "safe" word eg. raspberries that alerts said friend to trouble.
Give full details of where/when you're going; flights etc. Get a pcopy of his passport 'photo page.

Do all that; and then have a lovely time.

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