DH left me at 7am this morning

[theloneliestgirlintheworld]

I've namechanged as come on here often.

Me and DH have been married for 9 years and have 2 kids under 6years old.

For the last 3 years we have had some awful rows culminating in screaming shouting and sometimes pushing and shoving.

DH stonewalls when I come to him with a problem such as his drinking every single night, smoking 2 or 3 spliffs every night, lack of interest in my life, activities etc.

DH seems so stuck in a rut - he hates his job, does little round the house, only ever wants to go on holiday to visit his family but never jsut the 4 of us on a normal family holiday.

He has said that my temper and anger is a massibve problem and he cant talk to me. I have PCOS and am going make to the DRs as a show of commitment to see if they can help wiht my PMT etc.

So, we have been rowing since mothersday - every little things becomes a huge drama to him, he keeps sayng 'we cant go on like this'. I keep trying to be positive and show him through my actions I want this to work, but he does nothing apart from lie on the sofa each night and sulk about it all. If I ask himj for reassurance as i am very worried he does want to end it all, he stonewalls me, I get frustrated and hassle him more, he stone walls even more and then I freak out and he calls me insane and disgusting.

Last night was awful, he wants me to take all the blame in the rleationship and when I tried to point out how sad he was making me and how insecure - he kicked off again and threatned to leave, so I threw his keys and wallet i nto the road and told him to jsut go.

He didnt there and then but packed a suitcase with enough clothes for 4 days and left for work this morning with it....

I dont know what to do now. I have written a long list of what i hate about our marriage and then wrote what I love about our marriage and I couldnt think of what to put apart from the kids and our little house...

Its all such a mess, I'm so tired of trying the cheerleader this marriage, get little in return and then get blamed for when I get so cross about it...

Ok. So saw dr and she has put me on pill to help with pmt. She wasn't overly sympathetic to situation. I relayed this to dh who shared my frustation until he said he'd been hoping she 'at least refer to a psychiatrist for my temper and give me someone to talk too'... All of a sudden I hate him all over again! I explained that i'm only really angry around him and he winds me up but he refused to believe me saying he's spoken to my brother and bestmate. Twat!

Sorry to hear that.

Sounds like he is trying to blame all the problems on you. Is that right?
Or is he taking some responsibility too?

I hope it works out.

"I relayed this to dh who shared my frustation until he said he'd been hoping she 'at least refer to a psychiatrist for my temper and give me someone to talk too'..."

You do not need a pysch; he has made you feel like crap inside because of his behaviours towards you.

I would also say the above is telling in that he is not willing and or able to change his ways in the long term. What I think he is doing is projecting all his crap onto you.

How many chances have you given him previously?. What became of those?. Do not keep enabling him, it is very easy to slip into such a pattern of enabling.

Attila

I totally agree with you which is why as much as i would like this to work out - there has been a real shift in my attitude and feelings about our relationship.

I did point out that if i had anger management issues, I would have a similar problem elsewhere in my life - ie Job, friends, family etc.

He still wants us to go to relate which is great -but part of me doesnt want to go...

I'm going to give it a go and give the pill a chance to work - I do have PMT issues anyway so would like them resolved, if only for myself. And I'll see where we end up in a few months?

you taking the pills - what is he doing to address the "his drinking every single night, smoking 2 or 3 spliffs every night" - or has this stopped?

did he say "well your brother and bestmate say you all angry etc" - but that he is willing to give you another try? (ergo - you should be grateful to him? despite your failings he is still willing to take you on again....)

if so - did you know this is classic abusive behaviour?? - my exP did this - told me his cousin said how horrible moody cold i was, and he agreed that i was like this but he loved me you know ... ie you cannot leave me because no one else will have you... is about knocking your self esteem...

ugh. (i mean maybe you doing same to him....either way you both maybe need some help here...)

please please do see a relate counsellor on your own ...

I'm with 2Rebecca.

As hard as it may seem, you will be better off ending this relationship sooner rather than ater, coz it's never gonna last anyway.

Start making plans, op, for life without him.