Should I invite them to the wedding?

[DeepThoughts]

I'm asking you guys on here because this is driving me crazy.

Basically I am getting married this summer and would really like my stepdad and stepbrother to be there. My Stepdad spit from my mum about 2 years ago, but they do not get on (she is too angry with him) There was nothing major that caused them to split, just no getting on anymore.

But my Mother tells me that whatever they go to daytime/evening she will not attend, and now my own father is pretty much saying the same.

Me and my partner would like the step family there for the whole day, but my mother is making me choose.
I know that she is being unreasonable here, but am I being heartless if I invite them and leave it to her to decide what she does.

I cannot bring myself to do any wedding arrangements until I have made a decision and this is really getting me down (she knows this but is unwilling to even discuss anything).

It is your wedding - you decide who to invite. Invite them all and if she wants to be petty about it and stay away then she will be the one who loses out.

Yuo will probably fidn that she is just trying to manipulate you and will go in the end even if they are also going. She's not really going to let them push her out of her own daughter's wedding is she?

I'd invite them too. Wedding guest lists can become ridiculously political.

your day your decision

you decide. i'd invite them all. it's HER childish decision to let you down if she wants to go that route. give her the option to be an adult about it all. how awful to try and make you choose!!

My advice would be to say it is my wedding, I want you all there, if you can't be civil and grown up for one day for me, then don't come. Their choice. Don't feel guilty. I know you will be upset if someone choses not to come but it is your day.

I had one family member at my wedding so was looking for a really good friend when I went into Church. My new hubby told me after she had phoned 3 days before the wedding to say she wasn't coming and my new mil decided not to tell me. Would have been better if I had known in advance.

invite them. tell your mum that you are and that she just has to accept it, but perhaps agree to seat them well away from your mum so she isn't forced into being jolly and can just ignore him. your mum is trying to manipulate the day to suit her, but it's not fair, and she'll probably stop when she realises the choice is now hers and is a stark one about whether she attends her daughter's wedding or not.

you are not being heartless - if anything she is the one being heartless putting you under this pressure and asking you to exclude two people who you and your DP obviously want there.

i'm not particularly sure it is any of your dad's business at all, so you should feel no obligation to discuss this with him or listen to his views. so definitely ignore anything he is saying on the matter!

Invite who you want to invite, not who your mother approves of.

Call her bluff. She wont want to miss your wedding.

Thank you everyone. I will invite them, I think I just needed reassured that I wasn't being heartless.

Thanks

you've got enough to deal with as it is you can do without the additional stress
why is it there's always somebody out to spoil these big family occasions
i feel bothand for you

my sympathies...

My parents insisted I couldn't invite an aunt who they had fallen out with to my wedding. Due to my parents being overseas and my aunt living 10 minutes from my boarding school, where her children also went, I spent a lot of time there as a child.

I stupidly gave into my parents and haven't seen my aunt or my cousins since, although I wrote to her trying to explain the situation.

My wife invited both her parents and ex-stepdad to the wedding and it was fine - everyone was very civil and had a good time.

so I completely agree with fab and meg - it's your day!!

Don't be dragged into whatever their issues may be. Invite both parties & leave it to them to then decide if they're going to ruin your beautiful day by not attending, due to some silly & selfish misunderstanding. Good luck.

your mum is being very selfish. It is your day not hers and she has no right to tell you who you can and can't invite.
I would advise that you put them at tables as far away from each other as possible though - definately not within bread roll throwing distance.
Invite who you want to invite and let them sort it out for themselves.