Hi all this may get long and be waffly so sorry in advance
I have been with dh for just over 5 years but we have only been married since december!
We have a nearly 4yo ds and 7 1/2 month old boy/girl twins.
Things have always been a bit rocky and we have had many blazing rows in the past and have nearly split several time
He winds me up with nearly everything he does and I can no longer control my anger and end up ranting and screaming at him over really trivial things! He says that the reason we always argue is that I am a miserable cow and that I have always "got a face on"
In my eyes the reason that we argue is the fact that he is just bone idle at home and also that he seems to get a kick out of annoying me!
I ask him to little things to help as I am on all day with the 3 kids and then I work weekends and mornings too, so I get quite tired by the evening.
I expect him to wash up after dinner and make a batch of bottles and sometimes I ask him to tidy and sort out his things (he is in to gadgets and there is boxes of wires and adapters everywhere!)
He tells me that he cant remember all the things I expect of him so I need to write him a list and he will only do things on the list I argued that he was a grown man and capable of remembering 2 or 3 things but it just wasnt worth the effort so I gave in and started writing the list everyday!
The 1st couple of days were fine and he did the jobs I asked, but then he started making excuses- the were already 4 bottles made so no point making more, he was selling things on ebay so couldnt put them away or just simply "I will do it in the morning" (and then obviously it didnt happen)
He then started getting really stupid, one night I spelt sterilise wrong on the list so he refused to do it as he didnt know what it said
I have been having alot of problems with him groping me inappropriately and not listening when I say no to it recently and have tried to explain how I hate it and that it is a big turn off for me but he doesnt listen and says he keeps doing it because I never cuddle him and he feels rejected. I can understand that but the reason I dont cuddle him is that he doesnt know what boundaries are and as soon as I agree to a cuddle he always tries to take it further and we end up in a vicous circle!
I have been on my period (sorry if tmi) this week and he knows I wont have sex when I am but has been pestering all week and asking for blow jobs and then sulks when I say no, I again tried to explain that him pestering all the time makes me even less in the mood but he just doesnt seem to understand!
Then things really hit home about how he sees me when I gave him a list on monday night, I wanted him to strilise and make some bottle, wash up and tidy all his things of the dining table.
He put the steriliser but refused to make the bottle till the morning, he did wash up but didnt sort the table. When I reminded him it needed doing he told me that he wasnt doing anything for me as he wasnt getting sex in return so why should he
That was kind of it for me and I have told him that I hate him and want him to move out.
It may not sound like much whe written down but he has constatly worn me down for years and I really cant take anymore.
He never takes me seriously and if I suggest something or tell him how something is done he never believes me and will only go by what is written on the internet.
He moans at me for buying fresh food for the family and says we dont have enough money for it but then expects me to agree to him spending hundreds on gadgets that we dont need.
He is very unsociable with people and actually has no friends and never goes out, and unfortunately he has brought me down to the point that I have no real friends anymore and the only time I go out is with my mum!
He hates spending time with anyone outside the 5 of us and makes me look stupid when we have a family get together and he wont come!
Now I have told him it is over he keeps telling me that he is sorry and that he loves me and he doesnt want us to split up ad will do anything it takes but he says that everytime and within a week he is back to normal and the rows start again.
I really cant live like this any longer but I am scared of being left with 3 children on my own and how I will cope and I also feel guilty that I am tearing our family apart.
He says that I am always angry and he behaves like he does because of it, so maybe its me thats in the wrong and I need to change?
I really dont know what to do anymore, I want whats best for the kids but I really dont know what that is!
So can he change, or do I need to change or do I need to accept that this is the bed I have made and to get on with it?
Any advice welcome x