emotional fallout after affair/s

[pinkstuff]

Hi all have posted here before and have namechanged again.
I am really really struggling with emotional aftermath of H's affair, I think of it every day and imagine what they did, what was said etc. I have had enough of feeling like this and am so angry that I can't move on.
I told H this evening and he clammed up as expected and just said we will split then. I said I just cannot forgive and forget, he has history so I have been through this before. I am so angry that his 2 months of 'feeling good' have left me an emotional wreck. we have baby due in five weeks, and I think he is hoping its my hormones and ive told him time and time again that it isn't.
I would enjoy this pregnancy if I had a stable marriage. I Am just fed up of cheating and lying and need to know that someone can rspect me and be faithful to me.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

At least you're laughing now! Maybe you're beginning to feel a weight being lifted.

Yes I think so, am very angry Ive wasted years of my life on this excuse for a man.
I am scared for the future and obv I will always have to have contact with him. even after what I said I said last night to him, he hasn't called to day to see if i'm okay.
He knows he has damaged us beyond repair now and he will not cope with that very well.
I don't think he really believes I will do this with four children and a birth to go through. I think he is in for the shock of his life.
I have got to the point where I don't care what his issues are anymore, let someone else deal with it. He had everything a man could want and he blew it. he's nearly 40 btw,so old enough to learn from his mistakes. actually maybe he has, but its too late for me now.
thanks everyone you have been great as usual and helped me see things in perspective. I think I will have this baby, get counselling and then start living for me and the kids. as for him. well he can do one, at least he can have affairs without worrying that I'll find out.

That's the way to go. You sound stronger already.

Don't think of it as wasted time as such - you have your children from it. Now it's time for you and them. And yes, he can go and do one.

good grief, please reread your post and ask yourself why on earth you're even considering staying with this waste of space - it doesn't sound like you're been together in that sense for a long long time and apart from being addicted to the drama of it all I think you've finally realised there is something better out there for you and your children

please get rid of him and find it

pink

I am speechless (temporarily, of course )

Please, please, please do not throw any more of your best years into this pit of a man

He will swallow and spit out your love again and again and again

I don't even believe you "love" him...it is more like some kind of twisted bond you have with him

But no more

Make today the day you free yourself of his malignant influence

Ley your children believe that their mum, and themselves, deserve better than to be treated like utter shit

I don't think I have ever actually begged someone to break free of another person before and stay free this time

please

Yes your right, can hardly find worse can I, this is the tricky bit though getting him out with the leaset trauma. he came back early from work saying he's quit his job and is starting new one on friday, he always said he wouldn't give up a job till he had a new one. I just couldn't believe it, this is how he used to behave. anyway I told him again that i am unable to forgive and forget and that he hasn't done enough etc. anyway he turned it round to me yet again, by mentioning my affair, non sexual over 6 years ago. I said I learn't from that and that he never did learn. big difference.
he says he doesn't want to be with me and wants to be alone to do hwat he wants.
The man can't take rejection at all.
I said that he shouldn't have expected me to keep putting up with his shit , but he always says i'm not listening, your talking to yourself. no we have horrible atmosphere again in the house. I don't know why I have stayed so long, it is not love, its more like an addiction. I have got to break it now if I'm ever going to be happy. I have made some stupid mistakes and its like a light has gone on in my head and it won't allow me to let him in again. and besides my mum would kill me if she was here. I have lived with his reactions for so long I don't know what a 'normal' reaction should be.
I'm sure if I had wronged him I would listen everytime he needed to vent and reassure him that I would not hurt him again. some people just won't look at their flaws will they?

pink...stop trying to make him understand he has done wrong and that he has hurt you

you are wasting your breath, seriously

stop engaging with his mind games

it doesn't matter what he thinks...you are over...that is all he needs to know

no more discussion required

you have stayed with him so long because you have tried to make sense of a nonsensical situation

whatever you do will never be good enough

but you are too good for him

until you start to believe that you will go round and round in circles...with your self-esteem dwindling the whole time..

yes your right. its not my job to fix him. I have got to put myself first for once I know
I will tell him its over till he gets it. I need to find myself again. I miss me. lol

you are still in there

don't let him continue to squash her to mush

Your life your house. Tell him it over and ask him to leave--NOW.

Make today the start of your new life