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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating website

12 replies

Verywary · 22/03/2010 15:04

Feel wary and unsure about a recent experience on a dating website that I've just joined. Someone sent me a msg - 'Hello, how are you' I responded - looked and sounded really nice, and gave him my mobile no. That evening and particularly the next day I was inundated with msgs - he seemed to consider us as being in a relationship with each other - he said it, then the constant requests for photos and phone sex.
I made it clear I wasn't doing either and he backed off a little but is now constantly asking that we meet. We live quite a distance apart. I've just said I'de need to talk some more before meeting up. I've been talking to a male friend about the whole thing and he's convinced it's either a scam or this guy's a nutter, bizarrely I don't know! These are the signs and I wonder if anyone's ever encountered anything similar - full on straight away, I asked him to send photos of himself - he supposedly did but I was unable to access them, he called me from a witheld no. at night - when I asked was this his landline he said no - work phone, and during that call I heard noises in the background that I can only describe as boxes being moved across a floor - but only very faintly, he has quite a strong accent despite claiming he's been in this country since he was 7. He's extremely plausible but there's just something...

OP posts:
JeremyVile · 22/03/2010 15:08

How long has this been going on?
From the facts you've posted I find it hard to understand why you would still be in contact with him.
Why are you?

CaptainPicardsPineapple · 22/03/2010 15:09

Agree with your friend, the man sounds like a nut. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, to never to call you again and if he does that you're going to call the police.

NEVER give out your phone number, full name, or address immediately, it's absolute madness. You start off messaging each other on the dating site then progress to msn type chat and then maybe become facebook friends. Only then if you think the guy is genuine do you give him your phone number and arrange to meet up.

You have to take the responsibility for looking after your self, don't be naive, wise up.

Verywary · 22/03/2010 15:12

Just 1 week and I barely am now, I've never encountered anything like this before and, despite, the warning signs I guess I stupidly feel a bit sorry for him. If he is a bit wobbly I don't want to be cruel - I know I know sounds stupid.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/03/2010 15:13

why are still in contact ?

and fgs, don't give out your mobile number until you have built up a certain amount of trust over a lengthy period of time

< shakes head in bewilderment >

Verywary · 22/03/2010 15:26

Giving out my no was really stupid, I know thought computer was about to crash and did it in a moment of madness, it's the first and last time I do that.

Have ignored him all day

OP posts:
Karmann · 22/03/2010 15:29

Please continue to ignore him. All the warning signs are there.

Eurostar · 22/03/2010 18:56

Unless you met him on a site that is clearly for casual sex then he is totally out of order. Although, even men on casual sex sites are usually better behaved than this come to think of it. They back off when asked and understand that a woman wants info on a man before they reveal stuff about themselves.

Struggling to understand why you are staying in touch with him. He's not what you are after, leave him be. Why on earth feel sorry for him? Get your male friend to answer your phone next time he calls.

I do think it's a good idea to speak to people on dating sites as soon as possibe so as not to waste time but get yourself a cheap pay as you go mobile to do it with.

Unlike CaptainPicards I would never add anyone to my FB until I knew them really well because they can find out so much about your from FB.

overmydeadbody · 22/03/2010 19:28

Just ignore him and any future correspondence from him.

You don't owe him anything. Plenty of other men on dating websites.

chippychippybangbang · 23/03/2010 09:42

This isn't serious. Surely..

If it is, please please wise up a bit and raise your standards. There are some blokes who will automatically message any new woman who joins a site. You aren't under any obligation to respond, or be polite. Apparently only something like 1 in 10 messages gets a response, so if you aren't sure just leave it.

This guy sounds like the kind of total slimeball who gives internet dating a bad name. Avoid like the plague.

baublesbanglesandbeads · 23/03/2010 10:14

Get your male friend to call him and pretend to be your husband and give him a mouthfull about never calling or contacting his wife ever again.... worth a try. sounds like a nutter.

JontyNation · 14/04/2010 13:28

Chuck that and join MySingleFriend.com, I think it's brilliant. Refreshing lack of weirdos on there.

orangina · 14/04/2010 13:35

Get a separate phone for internet dating. And a separate email address without your full name in it.

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