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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

can she stop him?

2 replies

motherlovebone · 22/03/2010 14:02

My friend has 2 children (6 &3) and a 10 year history with her ex.

she is a londoner, he is cornish.
she moved back to london to get away from him 4 years ago.
they have had an on off relationship in that time, it has been off for a year, and she wants to keep it that way)

he had been seeing a counsellor, who advised him she couldnt help him and he needed different therapy...he is under the care of a mental hosp. there.

she is scared of him.

the more detatched she becomes,the more he clings on.

she has been facilitating contact at her house, and has caught him reading her emails and mobile phone messages on different occasions. when he visits she finds it hard to make him leave and he has ended up staying for days.
he simply disregards anything she says, effectively bulldozing over her words / wishes and does what he wants anyway.

his history includes punching her in the face in the high street, throwing all her make up away, stealing her money, and drug taking.

since discovering she is dating (through snooping her messages) he announced he is moving very locally to her so he can see more of the children.

she has said she doesnt think its a good idea (he has no job, friends or any other anchor here except them)
he replied that he doesnt have many friends generally, and implied they (she and his children) are all hes got.
he is moving here anyway, next week.

he has terrible credit but a rich dad who is bailing him out.

i advised her to ring womans aid, they could offer little advice.

what can she do?

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 22/03/2010 14:16

well for a start she needs to stop letting him in her house. she has to find another way for him to have contact with the children. eg he stays with a friend in stead. a friend or relative supervises contact.

or rich dad can pay for B&B....she cannot stop him moving to london to be closer!

but she CAN stop him entering her house.

is very hard - the "you are all i have" line is too much - i have had that too - tho now my exP has got involved with church and seems to have a whole host of new friends!

is there a court order/CAFCASS invovlement? maybe need to formalise the contact arrangements.

fuzzywuzzy · 22/03/2010 14:19

Contact can take place in a contact cnetre if she feels he is not fit to care for the children unsupervised.

TBH, she needs to get a solicitor and get contact sorted formally.

She can be very nice about it, but she's got to stop letting him into her house.

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