Am I Being Unreasonable #2645 - Electric Boogaloo

[NotQuiteCockney]

I probably am. I just want to rant. My parents are driving me bonkers.

I go back home, to Canada, every year. I stay in the cities. I hate being in cars. DH is severely allergic to mosquitoes. I like walking places, and Canada has no footpaths. And the food in the country isn't as good.

My parents don't like cities. They don't really walk. They spend all their time in cars. They don't understand about the mosquitoes, or the cars. Dad also does have a problem with smog, so the cities really aren't the best place for them.

I've come up with a compromise, for next year. We can go stay in the Canadian equivalent of Centerparcs. A resort, lots to do for the kids, no driving, we can self-cater or eat in restaurants. I'm sure it'll suck in some way, but it's a reasonable compromise.

I sent an email to my mom, being clear about why I wanted to be in a resort, why I felt this was the best idea for all. (And making clear that, if we couldn't find a good resort near where they live, then I'd happily put them up in the resort, too.)

My mother has sent back an email suggesting we rent a trailer in their trailer park! There are apparently lots of places in driving distance that are nice! I do not want to stay in a trailer park! I hate trailer parks! (Surely, on one's holidays, one should have accommodation as good or better than at home? I know, lots of people choose to camp, and I can see the appeal of tent camping, but not a trailer park.) I hate being in cars!

Also, they seem to think they will take care of the boys a lot. I don't really trust my parents with the boys. My mother thinks she isn't blind, and neither of them has much patience. (But this is hard to discuss, as they do take care of DS1's cousin, who is about the same age.)

Why is it so hard for parents to understand that their kids don't have the same interests and tastes? Gah.

NQC, hope you feel better for ranting. No advice really, other than to sympathise. My parents drive me nuts like this too - offering to help but only on their terms!!!!! So, it isn't really the help you ever need but if you try to say that they get all huffy.
I would quietly stick to your guns about the Centerparcs thing. Tell them that the children are really excited about it, that you are excited about it and you'd really like to give it a go.
Good luck

I will stick to my guns about it, I was just so happy to have come up with a reasonable compromise, only to have a response of "yes, that's great, come stay in the trailer park!".

I'm good at sticking to my guns with my parents. I just need to rant, too. I'll probably call my sister later and rant at her, too, if I can work out how to say "they're not taking care of the boys!" without offending her, as her daughter spends a fair bit of time with our parents.

To be fair, they have mentioned a resort that's just 1km from their trailer park. But it's run by evangelical Christians. In the restaurant, they say grace. shudder That would not be a holiday for me.

Blimey, NQC - the evangelical park sounds like the stuff of my nightmares!!! Just the kind of thing my parents would think might be "great fun". My brother & sister and I rant regularly about my parents, which is very theraputic!!!!

I think "so they have people to rant about you with" is the best reason to give one's kids siblings.

My sister and I don't have much in common, but we do have the annoyance of our parents.

I can't imagine surviving in an evangelical resort. I mean, I've yet to take any of my kids to any kids activities in churches, because I know some of those sing "Jesus Loves Me" at the end.

I would be tempted to go for the Christian resort, but do a naked, noisy, Pagan sunrise ritual every morning, but then I'm feeling a bit evil this morning. You're not being unreasonable, but your parents probably had years of making decisions for you and perhaps don't always see you as an adult with an equal say to them. You'll probably be the same when your kids are grown.

If you sister gets upset about you not wanting your parents to look after the boys you could emphasise that it would be quite a bit more difficult for them to look after two boys than one girl.

I remember telling you about a new Thai restaurant ages ago, but I didn't know exactly where it was, it's open now and here is the website. I originally thought it was somewhere between Excel and Yi Ban as dh can't describe a location or give directions to save his life, in fact it's the other side of Excel, so perhaps not so easy for you to get to.

wow, NQC, you sound just like me... in every way. except i hardly ever go home, i've been home twice in 9 years.

Sympathies NQC and sorry, but I snorted at 'My mother thinks she isn't blind'! My friend's father is the same, insists he isn't but can't actually see a thing and is registered blind. Good luck with sticking to your guns, sounds like you should.

Hi NQC,

If you do not want to go to a trailer park then do not go. You'll only feel miserable and you'll feel resentment at being pushed into such a decision by your parents. That's the last thing you want from a holiday.

Stick to your guns re the resort and if your parents still do not want to go then go on vacation without them.

Know what you mean about the mosquitoes. Canadian mossies/midges certainly like biting!!.

bran, I'd probably do the same, in this country, but in my own country, I'm much more of a scaredy-cat. It's funny, my mum talking about such a place, she used to have us taken out of class when they said the Lord's Prayer when I was growing up. Good idea re: my sister. (Is the new Thai place East or West of Excel? I think everywhere's about the same out there, isn't it? We generally drive to Yi-Ban, although I have taken the DLR once, and we're now talking about biking to it.)

DC, my parents have gotten much better over my years of being distant whenever they piss me off. I haven't gone to the countryside with them for ... four years? A bit more. They wanted us to come stay in their trailer. It's a one bed. They wanted me, DH, my sister, and her partner, to all come stay. Both my sister and I were pregnant.

www, feel free find it all amusing. I do. The blindness thing is pure comedy. She claims to see things all the bloody time, but they're not there. Given she's been secretly diabetic for pretty much my whole life, this isn't weird at all.

MU, I will absolutely stand my ground. A trip to Canada is generally our only holiday per year. We can afford something nice, particularly there as it's all cheap. We're not spending our holidays in a trailer park! Oh, just the idea.

(This is alll suddenly trivial, with the recent explosions, but I'm still ranting. It's easier to deal with this than with the terrorist stuff.)

It's west of Excel, if you click on the square Nakhon Thai logo on the RHS it opens another page, then click on the waterfront venue and it'll bring up details with a map. We haven't tried it yet, but dh likes the city one, although he said that it went down a little while the owner was concentrating on getting the new one open, hopefully that will mean that the new one is very good.

Oh yes, I've had a look. I'm actually trying to convince DH we should go there for food sometime soon. Our local Thai options range from good-but-no-meat to far-too-spicy.

bran: we went today. Very nice. DS2 went completely mad for the starters in the buffet, particularly the fishcake, which was reasonably spicy, I thought. (Not too spicy for me, but a bit spicy for a 10-month-old!)

It was pretty empty while we were there, but filled up a bit later. Where are they going to find enough people to fill all that space, all the way out there? (Well, I say that, but Yi-Ban obviously does just fine.)

Good, I'm glad you liked it. I might persuade dh to give it a try soon, although we suddenly have an unexpected social life and don't have a free Sunday for about a month now.

Am I imagining it or did you say that you knew a good Vietnamese? (I know I should search the archive, but somehow I never seem to find things.)

I do, it's quite near us, actually. It's called Namo, and it's just north of Victoria Park. There's a roundabout there, and a little row of shops known as Lauriston Village (lovely independant toy store). Namo is just east of the roundabout, on the south side.

Ah, yes, 178 Victoria Park Road. Quite cheap, very nice, garden out back. I don't think they have high chairs, but they're quite kid-friendly.

Oh, I'm just working up the energy to write to my mother saying "don't look for places for us to stay where we wouldn't want to stay anyway". I spoke to my sister, and she was a bit understanding. She didn't seem to understand that we wouldn't want to holiday in a trailer park. Well, I know they spend a lot of their holidays up there.

And she does send her daughter up to be minded by my parents. I boggle at the thought. I mean, she and I somehow survived, but to this day I'm still not certain how.

Oh my goodness, I could not do the Evangelical Holiday either So far as your parents looking after your kids goes, can you say something along the lines of 'we'll see how it goes' and be really non-commital on the basis of them only seeing the kids once a year.

My Mum lives in Spain and we see her a bit more frequently but my DS does not want her to babysit him as essentially he does not know her kwim?

Oooh, WCL, that's an excellent line to take. DS1 is actually really mellow about strangers, but the people who take care of him are all people who know him much better than my parents do.