Depression and seperation

[Sal7369]

Sorry if this is a bit of a long one I just want to speak to soemone who doesn't know me.

My husband has suffered with depression and gambling problems for years and I have stuck by him through out. He has now straightened himself out is an prozac has got a good job and seems to be working.

I now realise I have also had depression for a long while and have been very unfair to him. I had lost trust and respect for him but it is coming back.

We have been going through a particularly bickery phase lately. He has been behaving oddly for a couple of weeks but while I was away on business he admitted he was leaving me. I returned home in a state.

Long story short he has agreed to stay until the summer when we have a big family holiday planned and then we will decide if we are going our seperate ways after this. I have been to the dr and got prozac and am going to start counselling sessions.

The problem is that the dr has said I am too distraut to start counselling yet, I need to get stabilised first but it is hard living with someone who saying he wont know if there is any point in trying until after I get help. It really hurts and I feel so alone. Not sure what to do next scared he will leave if I push it.

In the meantime there are two kids I am desperately trying to hide this from.

i think its unfair of him to make you feel like that i think the sooner he leaves you the better because come summer you will feel worse that you feel now. As for the holiday cant you go on your own with the kids or take a friend or relative in his place

Aargh. How awful for you. Well done for recognising your own depression; if the Prozac doesn't seem to be doing anything after a month or so, ask your doc to try different medication.

While I completely understand what both of you are going through, and how emotionally fragile you must both be - the best advice I can offer isn't relationship advice at all. Take care of yourself.

Start thinking as gently, and as lovingly, about yourself as you would about the tenderest person you can think of (your DCs?). Ask yourself: "How am I feeling right now? What do I need? What would I like to do?" Take yourself for treats - a massage, a hairdo, a swim, whatever floats your boat. Compliment yourself on a job done well, when you look nice, and so on. Try to bathe your life in gentleness & care.

I know this sounds icky and impossible! But give it a go. This sort of thing has a way of spreading (like a good virus, heh) - and it only works right if you centre it on yourself. Good luck, you deserve it

Thanks Grace, that makes sense, always felt guilty for spending time on me but now seems to be the time for changes so maybe this is one I can embrace!

Cant really take someone else on hol as our whole family is coming. Too scared to ask him to leave as this is what he wants and I feel while he is still in he house I have a chance of him wrking with me. plus its better for the dc's to have him around.

Sal - just seen this. You said he has been behaving oddly for a few weeks and then told you he was leaving, when you were away on business?

Could he be having an affair?

I'm really worried about a friend of mine and her daughter. Her partner left her some years ago and she has been broken hearted ever since. Some months ago it came out that he is now dating a family friend who use to look after their little girl.

She is very angry and sad. The little girl is missing lots of school and of course there is no money. They live in a little village far from family and friends and have no transport.

The mum has been called into school sevral times to talk about the daughters abscence. things are getting worse.

I've tried to talk to her but she is just explosive with anger and very volatile. I wonder how she is at home with her daughter.

I think she is depressed and needs some help. She is just not coping very well.
What can I do?

Lac - please start a new thread about this.