Posted recently about my mum, but would like to go into more detail to see if I can get rid of the heavy burden hanging over me.
In short I am an only child & was very much loved (over loved, intensely loved). Also the only gc, so much intensity. My mum didn't like my dad, so I was the total focus (along with my GM) of my mother.
In my late teens my M&D divorced & whilst my mum went to live with her mum, I was made homeless. I was told there was no room for me. Being a bit of a sap, I just accepted it (what else could I do?) but it's only as having my own DC that I've started to 'critique' my childhood.
I've had a couple of meltdowns over the years & have spoken to counsellors & psychologists. The bottom line is my mother was very dominant...I've just been introduced to the area of toxic parenting & am seeing examples of this throughout my childhood.
Over the last 8 yrs or so Mum & I have started to clash..perhaps from me forming my own (different from her) opinion. Perhaps it's been a separation process which hasn't gone down well.
Anyway, the bottom line is the last 4-6 times I've seen her, we've had a big shouty argument. I've now not spoken to her for nearly 10 weeks.
SHe has called my MIL & said she is sad, MIL has said she doesn't want to get involved, which is fair enough.
I had a bit of a dilemma about mothers day & ended up being in a high state of anxiety which evaporated as soon as the day passed.
Every morning i wake up (bit like when you have been dumped by a boyfriend) with this hanging over my head. I have explained to my mum countless times about the homeless thing - she says well, you were grown up/had gone abroad/where messy & untidy ie blames me.
I need help because it's eating me away . I've spent the last almost 3 years trying to talk to her about my childhood (she says, yes, I wish i could do it differently, when I talk about my GM she says, oh she's old (now dead)), so I'm either saying the wrong thing, or she's not having any of it.