Is this an unreasonable way to think?

[partytime]

When my exH left me in October for OW, all the household bills, bank account and joint credit cards remained as before, i.e. him earning and me paying/dealing with it all. I have enough to carry on my life as before. ExH gets cash to pay for food etc. and uses credit card for clothes etc. He doesn't seem to spend much which is all fine and at present the arrangement works.
When the credit card bills arrive and I pay them, I always check what has been spent but this month there were hotel bills and flights. I told him I didn't want him spending on OW from our account, it made me feel that he was being insensitive, as if he were rubbing my nose in it. He just says how else is he supposed to pay for a holiday.
He has offered to get a new account for himself and credit card but as yet hasn't.
I am extremely jealous of his new life as mine seems to be standing still, I am in limbo, I have lost him and OW has it all. They are going on holiday to places I would have loved to have gone to and having a social life that I never had with ExH.
It just makes me feel so angry and resentful.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. There will come a time when you can think of him and relate to him with a sort of derisive vague friendliness (poor old XP, charming enough when he wants to be but a bit of a knob really).
Obviously I don't know the bloke but he is either a basically thoughtless, selfish-but-charming type who thinks that everyone should just be friends and not get so hung up ie he simly doesn';t perceive that he has hurt your feelings - or he is a manipulative wanker who can't bear the idea that any woman could possibly get over him and therefore has to keep all his XPs in the loop of his doings with 'friendliness' and intermittent contact and vague hints that he might condescend to come back...
THe most benign possibility is that he is an OK bloke who happened to fall in love with someone else and is trying to 'stay friends' as a way of not feeling too guilty about basically dumping you. If he is this last type, he should be able to understand that you need a bit of distance for the time being.

I agree with all the wise posts, that this financial situation cannot continue.
I just wanted to add that I hope you don't envision them having lovely, peaceful holidays holding hands as they walk on the beach.
Go with reality. More likely to be lost luggage, bed bugs, food poisoning and noisy neighbours.
HTH

SGB - he falls into your benign type of bloke scenario, charismatic, people like him, successful, he says he just fell in love with someone else but his relationship with me is very important and doesn't want to spoil that. HA! He spoilt it, all that time ago though. I don't see how I can maintain any sort of relationship with him once I have sorted out all the practicalities, I need him on side for now.
Condensed - lovely vision, maybe I will add cancelled flights (in view of BA strikes), rain every day (he would absolutely hate that), prickly heat, sunburn, many more nasties especially those that could befall OW.
By the way you were up and about early or was it still last night for you?

As much as lovely holidays and a new life is all exciting and that there will be a point were he will be missing the children.

You will never have that because you care for them

That means the world.

My ex behaved really badly and we maintained a friendship at first, he went off with a girl 10 yrs younger and I even counselled him when she f**ked him about what an idiot

but now a year on, I get to see my son everyday and have met someone who is absolutely lovely

he however will always miss not living with ds

Hi Partytime. I'm on the other side of the world. So it's 3 in the afternoon here. Fairly new to Mumsnet, but really love it.
I really feel for you - and I think you are being very smart in the way you are handling the situation.

In regard to OW - she got her period the first day of the holiday, has cellulite and a really bad cold from all that rain .

Partytime: I'm afraid he sounds more egotripper than benign, to me. Yes, people do sometimes fall in love while they are in an existing relationship with someone else and in general its not the worst sin in the world, horrid though it is to be the one who is fallen out of love with. But the new lovers have to accept that they have hurt at least one person's feelings and while that doesn;t mean they have to put up with abuse and serious unreasonableness, expecting a dumped XP to be instant best friends is deluded, trying to pressure the XP to be friends straightaway is selfish and manipulative.

SGB - how true, egotripper indeed. He is very self assured, and cannot understand my animosity, he feels that he is being considerate and caring by "not abandoning us", doing the right thing by us. However, I do remind him regularly of what he has done and that he can never truly be happy knowing this.
Condensed - excellent suggestions for how the holiday can be even worse.
PWG - I agree with what you say about DC's although mine are independent teenagers, but at least they live with me and I have contact with them every day, he rings and they don't answer him, or not call back, he always instigates their meetings, they don't call and ask to see him.
When I move we will be further away from him. He will have to come and see us, they flatly refuse to go and visit at his/OW's place.
His loss.

just wanted to second that phrase

"his loss"

sums it up totally

PT: if the DC are teenagers and therefore able to manage their contact with him according to their preferences, then you really don't need to have any dealings with him at all if you don't want to. Separate the finances as soon as you can and just make yourself unavailable to him, be busy, build up an active social life, put him behind you. TBH with egotrippers like this, even telling them that you want some space to get over your hurt is feeding the ego, amicalbe detachment is the best option (for one thing, it drives them batshit with frustration if you won;t engage).

SGB - saw him at weekend, he is so full of himself, not sure if it is an act of bravado or he genuinely is that cocksure. Made me want to punch him. That's the annoying thing when we have to meet, he's all happy, joking around with DC's, etc and I feel like shit. Can't wait till I have someone new to help make me feel good about myself again, but not much hope of that.
I have also tried the amicable detatchment front, It lasts about 3 milliseconds, then my usual snippy, fiesty self reappears. In fact those were qualities in me that he liked, the fact that I fought back and wasn't a doormat.