Right, tell me how a FWB thing works please

[Lifeafter40]

I'm considering my options at the moment.

I've fairly recently become a single parent and DS goes to stay with his Dad 2 nights a week.

I can;t see any other type of relationship for me atm other than a kind of FWB thing.

I do want to spend time with someone (I have someone in mind) but don;t want him to meet DS or vice versa, ad I don;t really want to get involved with his children either as I was step-mum to my ex's children and I'm not keen to repeat the experience.

Neither do I want a man hanging about all the time expecting me to do things for him as I am enjoying my independence.

This makes me wonder how do I manage a fairly casual relationship without getting overly emotionally involved? I just want to do some nice things like go out to dinner, cinema, have good sex, etc

I think this would suit the person I have in mind too, but it's just the emotional side I am concerned about.

How would sex be if we were just fond of each other but not "in love? What do you do if you find yourself falling in love, or they do?

I don;t want to start something that ends up being very painful later on in that someone gets hurt.

I sympathise. I also enjoy the independence of being single but would enjoy occasional companionship . Be nice to have someone for occasional date, etc. Like you said, a FWB! I don't want to introduce anyone to my DSs (been there, done that) - just a Saturday night friend.

Surely it's realistic? There must be men out there who feel the same I suppose. I think making it clear at the start of any relationship that you're only offering a part of yourself is a good idea. If they're ok with that, then might be worth giving it a try. Now, next problem...where are all the available men and how do I get me one?!

So weird that you posted this - I think the same thing all the time!

Ivana I think you have to get out there and meet people.

I have looked at some of the dating sites and I don;t think it's the right approach for me.

I suppose it helps if you have the kind of job that you meet people etc.

I recently met a business colleague and we were talking about the fact that we were both divorced. He said there's lots of people in a similar situation and the best thing to do is to go & join classes / clubs etc and build up a social life first, as friends will introduce you to other people.

I much prefer the idea of meeting people face to face as you can suss out the chemistry immediately

Person I am thinking about dating is also someone I met through work although doesnt work with me iyswim.

my experience here

Although we don't date, it's literally just the sex!

ok, you have a friend you get on with, there's some chemistry (otherwise you wouldn't be thinking of the benefits), you decide to do fwb, one of you starts caring too much, one of you ends up with broken heart, no benefits and no friend either, keep the friend and save the benefits for a f buddy IMHO

I don't know the answer to your actual question. However if you found yourself enjoying this mans company, having great sex and also getting emotionally involved - you might find you don't care about the rest. So being a step parent again will be worth it because you're in love. If not then you've got your ideal.

The only way it can go wrong is if he doesn't feel the same way as you.

You won't find out until you try. Some women can do it but I can't - either I'm using them, which feels nasty when you're close friends, or I fall in lurve - which is normal when you're close to someone & enjoying sex with them.

With the going out and being pals and having sex: you're talking about a boyfriend. The chances of someone getting hurt are quite high, either way ... but that's the nature of things. Wouldn't it be easier to do the boyfriend-girlfriend thing, and set some proper boundaries where the kids are concerned?

Good luck; I hope it works out well for you

Lol Grace I hadn;t really thought of it like that. I suppose I associate the term "boyfriend" more with someone you not only date and have sex with but also end up doing loads of other things with as well like trailing along on boring nights out with their mates and giving them lifts places and going shopping on Saturday afternoons (just random examples but you get my drift).

I don;t want any of that

It is possible to have a relationship like this but in my own experience if you don't want to end up falling for the person, it's not really a good idea to do social stuff together like going out to places - the more experiences you share, the closer you will feel, especially when combined with sex.

My tips are;

Don't see the guy more that once a week

mentally train yourself not to start wondering where he is the rest of the time, and don't ask him! If you don't want a relationship you can't necessarily expect that the arrangement will be exclusive (although some might be happy with that) - you need to discuss this so that you are both clear on it.

Don't bring emotional stuff into it and keep the conversation light.

Don't go out together with each others friends.

Do you think a bloke would go for that? I'd like a boyf but like Lifeafter, don't want him in every part of my life.

I don't really want to meet his parents, don't want to spend every spare moment together or go to blinkin Tescos together.

I'd basically like a friend... with or without benefits! Just wonder if it's possible.

Best to go for a man who already has kids perhaps? Then perhaps we'd be in the same place?

Lifeafter - you're doing very well to meet someone. I don't know where to start...