Lying Husband - am I kidding myself to think he'll change?

[horriblediscovery]

DH and I have been together for just over 4 years, and over the course of our relationship there have been several situations in which I have strongly suspected that he wasn't being entirely honest with me.

I reasoned to myself that the things that he was lying about weren't major, and anyway, they were in the past. I had no proof of anything, just suspicions and circumstantial evidence.

I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt, and hoped that the fact that he knew that I was 'onto' him would act as a sort of shot across his bows and that he would stop doing it.

I recently caught him out in spectacular fashion in the most appalling lie I have ever seen/heard, and now realise how foolish I was to give that benefit of the doubt in the first place.

We have been to relate and it seemed to really shock him. The counsellor was horrified and DH was full of contrition.

He came home after the session, vomited, and then sobbed uncontrollably for several hours at the realisation of what he had done.

He has agreed to see a psychiatrist to try to change this behaviour and we are sticking with the Relate sessions together.

I said that if we were to move on from this, that he would need to explain to me fully all the situations that he has previously lied in. We've set a 'date' for tomorrow evening to go through this and I am absolutely dreading it. Part of me fears that he will not be entirely honest even now, and even if he is, I am frightened of what he is going to say.

He does understand that he has to change, but I am worried that he either won't be able to or that I will never be able to trust him again. He is just being normal around the house at the moment, and I'm really struggling to pretend that everything is ok.

I am thinking about perhaps moving out for a couple of days, but am concerned that this might be an aggressive move.

The weird thing is that there is plenty of good in our relationship. We have both said that this is the best relationship that either one of us has ever had, so I am reluctant to walk away without putting up a fight.

Can anybody offer some advice please? I am unable to think of anything else at the moment

I need to know

He used to be a woman ?

I think OP you are going to have to give us a rough indication of what sort of Big Lie this was (he murdered someone but knew the body would be found the day the Old Dark House was demolished?).
Oh hang on, did he tell you he was divorced and on your wedding day some woman hops up in the back pew and yells 'You can't marry him, he's married to me'?

My money's on a family event where some relative who was supposed to have died/been horribly disfigured/disabled/committed was inevitably going to walk into the room right as rain. And then you go "Oh! You're alive?" or "The surgery worked then, gosh those look just like real legs", or "Who paid the ransom?" and they say "What on earth are you talking about?"

nah, this man had to produce his birth certificate for some reason and he was born a woman

I feel very strongly about this,were I not in the pay of MI5 and busying myself in the defence of our precious realm I would really unleash!

seeing this in active convos so much made me think the big secret had been revealed here!!

i think....he's lied about someone dying or not being around anymore

what about a secret love child?

Of course, the OP has fucked off and we are never going to know .

Of course the OP has fucked off probably not hearing what she wants to hear... She is colluding with her DH anyway.

or he's a bigamist? should we stop guessing?