Hello
My DP and I have been having pretty major problems for over a year. We have been together for 4 years, 1 child from my prev relationship, 1 child from this one (6 months).
I have felt him progressively pulling away from me for over a year. Less cuddles, won't talk, seems unhappy etc.
He has been behaving pretty badly towards me - little respect, talks down to me at times, hurts my feelings.Sometimes says sorry, sometimes doesn't. I have retalitated too, and I have been unreasonable at times too. The arguments have been almost daily and very wearing, so I see where he was coming from 2 days ago when he said he wants to leave. Tells me he loves me but he can't stand my 'judging' behaviour and the arguments any longer, doesn't think he can live with 'any woman'. I begged him to stay (shouldn't have) and he did but not happy about it. Yesterday I came to my senses and spoke to him about it, said if he's sure he wants to end things then just to go and that i was sorry for begging him to stay etc.
He said he's not sure, he loves me and wants to try and is looking for a sign of what to do (stay or go). But he is soooo moody and passive-aggressive. It's like he's looking for reasons to go. Last night DD was talking about her granny who died and I told her about heaven etc, thinking it would make her feel better. Later on when LO's were in bed, he told me I should have told her theres no such thing as death, just transition, and I should have told her that instead and I was a 'fool' for thinking otherwise . (me judgmental?) then started deliberately saying horrible vile things about the ladies giving birth on that 'one born every minute' programme. It was HIM who started these arguments with what he said both times, but then said "Sorry, but doesn't it show you how little we get on?"
arrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!
This morning I told him I knew he was just deliberately looking for reasons to push us apart and he said "maybe subconciously Iam, maybe thats whats best" and that "every time I look at your face i just get annoyed", hugged me and said he is sorry for upstting me and left.
I'm going out with family tonight and we'd agreed it may be better if he stayed at his mums since he lost his keys so only I will have keys and need them during the day, but he texted to ask me to text him when i'm on the way back and he will be back. wtf? why does he even want to be here if he hates me so much?
I can't take any more of this....
He says he can't be bothered with the mind games anymore (yet he is the one playing mind games)
How do I take back control? I'm so angry I want to throw him out, but if I do theres a chance this could just be a really bad patch and I threw it away (he never used to be at all like this) . Iam willing to leave him for my own sanity if this continues, but not willing to leave just yet.
How do I play this? Do i ignore him, stop asking him what he feels and blaming him for not loving me etc and just get on with my life with him around (as long as he's not being abusive, which i can recognise) or do I throw him out? . I was thinking I should tell him I can't deal with the agro anymore, and set a time limit to myself for things to change and just be friendly and agreeable no matter what until then, and if things haven't changed, he hasn't follwed my lead and he hasn't shown any signs of change and love for me (big signs, not just making me a cup of tea) then leave?
Sorry for the length of this post, I'm just so f*ed up in the head just now with this..